Ever since the Roseanne reboot started, we’ve been firing off our favorite quotes whenever we need a great comeback. Roseanne Barr was always full of them, and her character never failed to make us crack up, especially when dealing with her husband or her kids. Dan, Becky, Darlene, D.J., baby Jerry, and Aunt Jackie may not have always been perfect, but they were always hilarious together, even when times were tough. As a family, the Conners proved just how much they could take on, and that all you really need is the people that you love (and a killer sense of humor).
Lately, we’ve spent even more time thinking back to the original episodes. They dealt with some serious issues and aired plenty of controversial episodes, but they always made it through with each other and a fair share of laughter. And it was clear the cast behind the characters truly loved each other — so much that it bled into real life with Roseanne admitting that she was kind of head-over-heels for John Goodman while they were filming the first season. And who can blame her? Dan was a total catch and one of our very favorite TV husbands.
Though time has passed since the show’s (first) series finale aired in 1997 — baby Jerry is all grown up and the Conner family is back on TV more than 20 years later — sitting down to watch one of the old episodes feels like time has stopped around us. Simply put, Roseanne is a classic. It will always have our hearts and it will always make us laugh, no matter what kind of day we’ve had. So we decided to celebrate some of our favorite funny lines from the show that still crack us up all of these years later. Check out the gallery below to laugh along to our favorite classic quotes from Roseanne.
Roseanne Dinner Quote
"I'm fixing dinner!"
"Oh, but honey, you just fixed dinner three years ago."
Roseanne was always quick with a comeback.
Roseanne Invoices Quote
"Watcha workin' on?"
"Invoices. I'm ordering new children."
Sometimes, you just want to send them back — especially once they become teenagers.
Roseanne Grandchildren Quote
"So where are my sweet, wonderful grandchildren?"
"Well, they were killed by D.J. and Darlene."
Hey, at least Becky turned out all right.
Roseanne God Quote
"He told me Jackie thinks I'm like a god."
"Well, that's just 'cause you never do anything on Sunday."
Hey, it is a day of rest.
Roseanne Jokes Quote
"You guys think we don't understand your corny little sex jokes."
"You are our corny little sex jokes."
And don't you forget it, Darlene.
Roseanne Television Quote
"I wonder what people did before television."
"They made dolls out of corncobs and stared at fire."
We know that's what we did before Roseanne.
Roseanne People Quote
"You know, I consider myself a pretty good judge of people... and that's why I don't like none of 'em."
Sometimes, you just need to be alone.
Roseanne Outranks Quote
"Well Dad says I don't have to and Dad outranks you!"
"Are you new?"
C'mon, D.J. You knew better.
Roseanne Unstoppable Quote
"I'm so amazing. If I ever get up off this couch, I'll be unstoppable."
If we stay sitting, though, the possibilities are still endless.
Roseanne Finger Quote
"I suppose you're gonna point the finger at me?"
"Yeah, and you know which one."
These two sisters gave each other as good as they got, all the time.