The death of a mother is, for many, one of life’s most difficult losses. She’s a presence in life from the moment we’re born, and she likely shaped much of how we feel about ourselves, our relationships, and our world. My best friend recently lost her mom, and for a while, I was at a total loss for words. It felt like there were no words; What could I possibly say to comfort her or address the enormous grief she was experiencing? Of course, there’s nothing I could say to take away the pain. What I could do, though, is just be there, providing sympathy and support, and letting her know she’s not alone. It’s really the only thing any of us can do at these times.
If someone you know has recently lost their mother, here are ten thoughtful sympathy messages to let your loved one know that you care.
What To Put in a Sympathy Card for a Close Loved One
“Know that your love helped her in her final moments. You have my deepest sympathy.”
If you’re close enough to the bereaved person to know how they spent their final moments with their mother and trust that addressing this intimacy will be received in good faith, this message can provide extraordinary comfort. There’s nothing more important to a mother than her child, so if your friend or loved one spent time with their mother before she passed, it undoubtedly eased and comforted the mother. It can be helpful to remind your friend or family member of this — they may not have been able to do anything to prevent this loss, but that doesn’t mean their presence didn’t matter. In fact, many studies have found that comatose or dying people retain the ability to hear and feel, even as their other senses fade. Being physically present and attentive at the bedside of someone who is dying might do more than we know to shepherd them into the next life.
“Words can’t express these feelings, but I want to be here for you in this sad time.”
If you’ve ever experienced grief and the loss of a special person, you know that it’s unlike any other emotion. Going through a time of grief means adjusting to a pain that was previously unimaginable, a pain that ebbs and flows and never completely goes away. Words aren’t adequate for that type of experience, but sometimes naming that inadequacy can help. It acknowledges that your loved one is going through a time of great loss and sorrow that simple platitudes can’t fix. Sometimes, just having the comfort of knowing others are there for you while you navigate this hard time can mean the world.
Comforting Words If You’ve Experienced Loss Before
“Grief is a process, and I’m here for you during all of it.”
Like the above sympathy message, this one lets your loved one know that you’re there to support them and provide your sincere sympathy throughout their grief. It also acknowledges the emotional depth of grief. It can be comforting to know that you aren’t the only one to experience such a loss, that others have mourned similar great losses, and that you’ll make it through this time just as they did. By expressing your familiarity with the grieving process and letting your loved one know that you’re here in their time of grief, you can reassure them that you made it through this difficult process, and they will, too — with you by their side.
“It seems impossible to go on after the loss of your mother, but you are so strong.”
This sympathy message means more coming from someone who also has experienced a great loss. If you’ve ever lost a close loved one or dear friend, especially a mother, you know how impossible it can seem to live without them. A mother’s passing can make the world feel like it’s suddenly spinning on a different axis or that everything is backwards, and you no longer know what to do. Expressing the way this feels — the confusion, the impossibility of moving on, and more — can help the grieving person verbalize their emotions and feel less alone. Reassuring them that they are strong enough to bear this loss can also help them get through what often feels like a monumental task. You can provide strength to the grieving person by reassuring them that they are strong enough for this — it might be exactly what they need to hear.
Short Condolence Messages If You Knew Her, Too
“She was a beautiful soul, and I miss her, too.”
It seems simple but letting the grieving person know that you share in their grief can be powerful. Grief affects everyone differently, and it can be an extremely isolating experience. Letting your close friend or loved one know that you share in their pain and heartbreak can help reduce that isolation and provide them the comfort of knowing they aren’t alone. It can also help to know that their mother lives on in more than just their memory. It’s often said that people don’t really die until the last person speaks their name, and no one alive remembers them. Whatever type of afterlife you or your loved one believes in, it can be hugely reassuring to know that someone else besides them is keeping the flame of their mother’s memory alive.
“What a legacy she left behind, and countless happy memories.”
Moms are amazing people. Chances are, the one who passed left behind more than just her child(ren) — perhaps she had a lovingly curated home, a well-tended garden, a successful legacy at work, hours volunteering in her community, and countless wonderful memories. You can provide reassurance and express condolences during a challenging time by reminding your loved one of all the things she left behind and all the amazing ways she impacted the world during her life. After all, a mother’s love changes everything. This sympathy message has the added benefit of reminding your loved one that you, too, knew their mother — you cared for her and remember her impact on their world. This may really help your loved one and their grieving family feel less alone during their time of sadness.
Sincere Condolences for Someone You Don’t Know Well
“I wish you comfort during this time of grief. May your mother’s soul rest in peace.”
Sometimes, we need condolences for a person we don’t know well. Maybe it’s a colleague, an in-law, or a friend of a friend. Whatever the case, you might find it difficult to find the right words for such a substantial loss, but don’t let this stop you from providing heartfelt sympathy. Even just wishing them comfort can go a long way — it lets them know that they aren’t alone in their suffering and that their mother’s memory reaches far and wide. After all, that’s why we have wakes — so people from across our communities can memorialize and celebrate the memory of such an important person. Even if you aren’t that close to the grieving person, I guarantee they will appreciate your condolences.
“My deepest condolences for your loss.”
This message is simple, but it’s kind and appropriate for someone to whom you might not be deeply connected. When you’re grieving the loss of someone as important as your mother, it’s really important to feel seen and to have your loss acknowledged — even if you don’t know the person well. A simple expression of heartfelt condolences can make a world of difference to anyone going through bereavement.
Sympathy Messages for a Religious Mourner
A condolence card for a religious mourner can include Bible verses and other spiritual truths. However, your sympathy card message for a person’s faith can also be simpler.
“She’s with the Lord now.”
If you and the grieving person are religious, it can provide great comfort to invoke your beliefs about the afterlife. After all, the person they are missing so much isn’t truly gone – she’s just somewhere they can’t reach yet. Sharing your common beliefs about life after death and the promise of resurrection can be a wonderful way to provide comfort and sympathy through such a devastating loss as the loss of a mother.
“I’m praying for you during this time. God is with you.”
Similarly, it can be very comforting to know that someone who shares your faith is thinking and praying for you during such a hard time. Don’t underestimate how much such simple words of sympathy can mean to a grieving person, especially from someone who understands their beliefs about life and death.
In the end…
Whatever words of sympathy you provide, it’s really the act of being there for another person and letting them know that you care that matters. No words will ever truly be able to compensate for the loss of a mother, but sharing the grief can help ease the burden of mourning and provide comfort, even during the darkest of times.