How To Calm Anxiety: Advice From ‘Your Name Is Not Anxious’ Author Stephanie Dowrick

Whether meeting new people, preparing for a big presentation or navigating a tough conversation, it’s normal to feel anxious occasionally. But when feelings of fear and uneasiness take a toll on your physical and mental health, it can be challenging to break out of an anxiety loop. That’s why Stephanie Dowrick, PhD, award-winning author and psychotherapist, wrote “Your Name Is Not Anxious”—her latest book, which she hopes will help combat “the ongoing anxiety epidemic.” Here, Dowrick shares how to calm anxiety with simple, manageable tips. 

How Stephanie Dowrick defines anxiety

When asked what anxiety means to her, Dowrick shared that it has many different manifestations, but in nearly every case, “it’s a feeling that you’re not really in control.” It occurs when you have thoughts such as “‘I can’t really meet this situation adequately’ or ‘Awful things are going to happen because awful things always happen,’” explains Dowrick. 

What happens, Dowrick says, is you get into “a binary way of thinking” where you feel like everyone else is perfect, and for you, it’s all wrong. And since so many things are happening to us all at once, it can be hard to quell those anxious and potentially harmful thoughts, adds Dowrick. 

“It takes knowledge, an effort of will and I think it probably takes an attempt of self-love to stand back from anxiety a little bit and say this is not all who I am,” says Dowrick.

What is ‘Your Name Is Not Anxious’ about?

Dowrick knows all too well how easy it is to get caught up in feelings of anxiety. But her new book offers readers a compassionate, personal guide to reducing anxiety and regaining confidence. With her own research and personal experiences, she shares practical strategies—like how to calm your body, quiet your mind and stop the cycle of self-blame—that reduce stress, build resilience and help you take control over anxious thoughts. Dowrick’s simple tips offer hope, security and a sense of peace.

How to calm anxiety using ‘Your Name Is Not Anxious’

Anxiety management is not easy, which is why Dowrick suggests starting small. “The whole book is designed to be read in small sections,” she says. “So I think that if people want to take their anxiety in hand, they will find a section that really suits them.” 

She adds that each part is action-driven because recognizing your anxiety is “the vital first part of the story.” However, the much more effective part of the story is what you’re going to do about it. Here, she offers tips from some of her favorite sections of the book and how they can help you recognize that anxiety doesn’t make up your entire identity. 

Remember that you are human

In her book, Dowrick encourages folks to remember that you are not a machine but a human being. “We often treat ourselves not just mechanically, but as though we just have to pour a little bit more oil in to keep going and going,” says Dowrick. The result? Asking too much of yourself and feeling like you have to accomplish everything which is unsustainable.

Very often, what you demand of yourself is not what you would require of a best friend or a loved one because it would be too much. “You are a conscious being, and if you can bring even a tiny amount of conscious awareness and choice to what you are doing, it will make an enormous difference to your motivations and actions,” Dowrick wrote. 

Her advice: Experiment with a different narrative for your daily life. Start thinking of tasks as a choice rather than an obligation. If you feel that everything is going wrong or that nothing is going right,  Dowrick suggests asking, “What does everything mean to you? Everything usually just comes down to two or three things, and then it becomes much more manageable,” she says.

Change how you speak to yourself

How you talk to or about yourself can either fuel or calm your anxiety. “Are you telling yourself how hopeless you are, or are you encouraging yourself in some small but significant way?” asks Dowrick. 

Think about it: You would never speak to someone else as you speak to yourself, so why not flip it to focus on the positives? “The key to change is noticing. Then choosing. If you are telling yourself that you are a failure at everything, that your life is hateful, that your life is not worth living, then something (everything) needs a radical shake-up,” wrote Dowrick. 

Her advice: Give yourself (and someone else) daily encouragement to help relieve anxiety. “Whenever you can, find a moment to give someone else a word of encouragement, because every single person responds to encouragement,” she says. “Anxiety itself is profoundly discouraging. It’s disempowering, so in taking back our power to encourage, we’re also taking back power from anxiety. 

See the beautiful in the every day

When anxiety takes over, it can be overwhelming and difficult to find joy in everyday life. “We don’t give enough time to what gives us pleasure and what gives us delight, the really simple things,” says Dowrick. Unfortunately, we end up passing by the good things. 

“We have a large capacity for anxiety. We also have a capacity for bliss,” says Dowrick. “We have an immense need for connection, and with anxiety and depression comes so much loneliness. So reconnecting to our capacity to connect to others comes from the capacity to reconnect with ourselves, and bliss is a moment of not even thinking about yourself. You’re just in the moment—whether you’re dancing or just hearing a piece of music.”

Her advice: Make a decision and pause. At the end of the book, Dowrick details the importance of making space for the beautiful. She suggests journaling as a starting point. “Sometimes, it takes the activity of journal writing to begin to train ourselves to notice what is beautiful.” She also says to give yourself grace. “We need a lot of grace in our world, and those pauses will help keep you grounded.”