John Lithgow’s Golden Rule for Lasting Love: The Secret to a 43-Year Marriage

Open communication, mutual respect, trust, commitment, and forgiveness are crucial for maintaining a loving, lasting marriage. But is there a single Golden Rule that ensures those wedding vows endure for decades? According to John Lithgow and his wife of 43 years, Mary Yeager, there is. Read on to learn what rule Yeager established early in their marriage and how it’s helped them thrive as a couple for nearly 50 years. 

John Lithgow’s gift-giving rule for married couples

While promoting his new film Conclave on Live with Kelly and Mark on Tuesday, February 11, Lithgow shared a rule regarding gift giving that Yeager set, “early on.”

“She said, ‘Nothing useful’ — which I consider the most romantic gift ever,” Lithgow said about his wife’s request for more creative gifts in their relationship.

Co-host Kelly Ripa was instantly intrigued by the idea, responding, “That should be written into marital vows.”

Yeager’s inspiration for this ultimatum? A series of practical gifts bestowed upon her in her previous marriage which included an electric can opener. 

“So she’s gotten the rocks,” the now 79-year-old actor, quipped about Yeager.

John Lithgow and Mary Yeager’s relationship history

Further into his conversation with Ripa and co-host Mark Consuelos, Lithgow recalled the order of events that initiated his and Yeager’s relationship.

“We were fixed up together when I was out of work. I was rehearsing something in L.A. that shot in Texas and I flew out from New York. And a mutual friend of ours fixed us up,” he said.

In his mid-30s at the time of their meeting in the 1980s, Lithgow was pursuing a burgeoning acting career with breakout roles including Footloose (1984) and Terms of Endearment (1983).

On the other hand, Yeager was just starting her tenure as a professor in the history department at the University of California, Los Angeles.

Although they were two young adults in different fields, a serendipitous sign of the potential success of their relationship emerged when he picked her up for their first date.

“I went to Harvard and she is from Montana, and when I went up to her door to pick her up, I noticed she lived at the corner of Montana Street and Harvard Avenue,” Lithgow explained to Ripa and Consuelos. “I thought, ‘There might be something here.’ And actually, we were married about a year later.”

Despite when, in an interview with The Guardian, Lithgow poked fun at the absurdity of their pairing saying “Professors and actors are not supposed to marry. Our lives are so incompatible,” the two have remained happily married since 1981.