How Can I Find Hope? Psychologists Share the Small Steps Proven to Move You Forward
From 'pathway thinking' to walking down memory lane, the hopefulness you seek is already within you
Research shows feeling hopeful doesn’t just put a smile on your face, it leads to concrete benefits, from boosting your immune system to increasing your levels of success. But between being bombarded with bad news stories from around the world to closer-to-home struggles in your personal and professional life, summoning this emotion can feel like an upward battle. You’re not alone if you’re thinking, “How can I find hope?” Keep reading for simple ways to tap this powerful emotion and spark the momentum that will lead to a brighter future.
Foster inner trust
“Hope is the belief that you can have a positive effect on the future,” says psychologist Daniel Tomasulo, PhD, bestselling author of Learned Hopefulness andAcademic Director at the Spirituality Mind Body Institute (SMBI), Teachers College, Columbia University. His research shows that the most hopeful people share one thing in common: inner trust. That’s because a proactive mindset requires having faith in yourself. “Amazingly, we found that higher degrees of gratitude and loving-kindness distinguished this group of people.” That’s because appreciation for the good things in our life lets us “harvest” hope from the past, and loving-kindness—compassion for others—helps us pay that positivity forward.
Discover the 4 pillars of hope
To remember the critical elements of hope, just think MASS (Mastery, Attachment, Survival and Spirituality). “We need all four facets for hopefulness,” says psychologist Anthony Scioli, PhD, professor of clinical psychology at Keene State College and coauthor of The Power of Hope: Overcoming Your Most Daunting Life Difficulties—No Matter What.
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Mastery is just as it sounds: having a measure of control in our life. This facet is more collaborative than “ego-driven,” he notes, and typically requires teamwork or reaching out for support. That brings us to Attachment, the universal need for strong social connections. Survival speaks to the very basic need of feeling safe and secure in life, “and that we always have options,” says Scioli.
The last “S” in MASS is no less important than the other facets, but it may benefit from a bit more explanation. “Life is difficult — there’s always a gap between where we are and where we want to be,” says Scioli. “This is where spirituality comes in, the feeling of salvation and peace of mind that comes from feeling a presence bigger than yourself.” Just looking for these four pillars in your life, he says, will help you build a foundation of hopefulness.
Jot down ‘joy clues’
Grab a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle, suggests Scioli. “For each of the four domains of MASS, write a threat to it,” he says. “For example, under ‘Mastery,’ you might write that you feel helpless. Then challenge that thought on the right side of the page with something you do have control of. Or, for ‘Attachment,’ you might write that you feel alone; answer that thought with something more realistic, like a list of people you can reach out to.” He adds that this simple practice is called “reality surveillance,” reconstructing your world around signs of hope.
Boost resilience
“A flexible way of thinking is also key to a hopeful mindset,” reveals Tomasulo. “If their tire blows out, for example, instead of focusing on the negatives like being late for a meeting, hopeful people ask themselves what they can do, like calling AAA or getting an Uber. Resilient folks don’t just bounce back, they bounce forward. And we can all foster this mentality by focusing on what is in our power to control.”
Find a realistic balance
“Acknowledging life’s challenges is essential, but maintaining hope allows us to persist in the face of those hardships,” declares psychiatrist Sue Varma, MD, author of Practical Optimism, and clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the NYU Langone Medical Center “Small acts of everyday kindness play a huge role because they can help spark a sense of hope. This is how we balance optimism with realism by thinking critically about our problems while still honoring our strengths.”
Take 3 small steps
“Hope is a muscle we can build every day,” says pastor MaryAnn McKibben Dana, author of Hope: A User’s Manual. “It’s a choice we make to do whatever is the next right thing,” she adds, explaining that amid the onslaught of to-dos commanding our attention every day, hope is a “deeper reservoir of possibilities we can draw on. It’s a muscle we can build up.” One way Dana learned to flex her hope muscle? “When I was feeling low during Covid, I realized I was missing three things: beauty, relationships and action.”
“Finding a way to access the beauty of nature connects us to awe, while calling a friend nurtures relationships in a world where it’s so easy to feel disconnected.” As for taking action, she discovered that doing something simple like cleaning her office when she felt discouraged, led to the next small action. “Small steps build momentum and help stop the spiral of worrying—and hope is all about taking action.”
Find hope role models
There are two kinds of hope, says Scioli. “The active state of hoping, or ‘acute hope,’ that we feel during an illness or a challenge, and hopefulness, a steady trait that’s about long-term thinking.” The latter comes from a very old definition meaning “a protected place” or “steppingstone to a higher elevation,” he adds. That “protected place” is an inner reserve, a strength that comes from within. Hopefulness is a trait that develops early in life, but not all of us were lucky enough to grow up in an environment where it was nurtured. “We can still develop it as adults; it just takes a little longer,” promises Scioli. “Find people who are natural hope providers and whom you feel safe around.” Such hope “role models” are shown to help strengthen our capacity to be open to life’s possibilities.
Outsmart pessimism
“In every moment, we’re either identifying with love or fear, and what we identify with becomes our reality,” says personal development expert Deborah Arseneau, author of Let’s Do This Thing Called Life: A Guide to Abundant Living. “Ask yourself, ‘How can I look at what I’m going through differently?’ If you’re lonely, for example, you might take a class or join a group activity, where you’re able to meet new people. When you’re no longer concentrating on what’s missing, your focus shifts to what lies ahead, which elevates your mood and your life.”
Focus on four Ms
Hope is like a muscle we need to flex in order to keep strong. To do just that, consider the four M’s of mental health, urges Dr. Varma. “The first is mindfulness: Spend 1 minute each day practicing meditation, focusing just on your breath.” Next is movement, as exercise is linked with a hopeful frame of mind. “The third M is meaningful engagement: Deepen your relationships by sharing vulnerabilities and offering support. Last is mastery: Try to improve at any skill or hobby.” Hope, after all, epitomizes a growth mindset.
Celebrate yourself
Another key quality hopeful people share? They feel empowered, reveals Tomasulo. “They have a well of memories they draw on,” he says. “In other words, if you’re trying to be more hopeful about something yet to come, pull from your past and celebrate your successes. Think of a time when you absolutely crushed it because it will change your entire body chemistry, sparking the can-do spirit that fuels hope.”
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