How To Feel Happy and Maximize Joy: Easy Advice From Experts Like Nedra Glover Tawwab
From friendships to music, these surprisingly simple habits can work fast
In a world where loneliness is on the rise, licensed therapist and New York Times bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab is sounding the alarm on a pattern she sees emerging: the tendency to protect ourselves so fiercely that we shut out the very relationships that make us happy. In a recent conversation on the podcast What Matters with Liz with Woman’s World editor-in-chief Liz Vaccariello, Tawwab explained how finding the right balance can help us feel happy and maximize our joy.
“Our boundaries can be too high, and we’re keeping even some good people out,” says Tawwab, author of The Balancing Act: Creating Healthy Dependency and Connection Without Losing Yourself. “There may be some walls that we need to lower. We may need to open the gates. We may need to be more flexible.” Here, she and other experts explain the benefits of healthy social connections—plus more easy ways to increase joy.
Overly-strict boundaries can contribute to loneliness
Tawwab traces part of the problem to a misunderstanding of the very concept that was supposed to help people thrive: boundaries.
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“As I talk to [my patients], I’ve come to understand that they understand what boundaries are, but they’re still not using them well—they’re overusing them,” she explains. “It’s really because of this desire to protect ourselves, to not be hurt, to to not let people get the best of us. And I get it. But we can’t assume that everybody has the intention to harm us. Thus, it’s a balancing act.”
Her message is clear: Whether you feel lonely, smothered, stuck in codependent patterns or like you’ve lost yourself, the path to feeling happy isn’t about perfection. It’s about flexibility and variety.
“Sometimes we become hyper-focused on the problem in our lives without trying to maximize the joy where we can,” Tawwab said. “It’s not about being a perfect human. It’s about having variety. It’s about using the skills based on when they’re needed.”
The science behind how to feel happy
So if the key to wellbeing lies in connection, purpose and a willingness to lean into positive feelings, what does the science actually say about building a happier life?
Consider a study in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology involving women who had recently been treated for breast cancer: As they increased their sense of “eudaemonic wellbeing” (the kind of happiness that comes through having a sense of connection and purpose in life), they showed a better immune response. That finding underscores a powerful idea: Happiness isn’t just an emotion. It can have tangible effects on your physical health.
“It’s important to acknowledge that there’s a lot of stress in the world, and yes, a lot of things can bring you down. But it’s even more important to be aware of all the things that can still make you happy, despite what you might be up against,” says psychiatrist David Baron, DO, senior vice president and provost of the Western University of Health Sciences and former deputy clinical director of the National Institute of Mental Health.
How to feel happy: 10 smart strategies
Here’s the best research-backed, expert-endorsed advice to bring more happiness and joy in your life.
Know there’s more than one way to increase joy
Happiness isn’t a single destination reached by one narrow road. Understanding that can take the pressure off trying to “get happy” in just one way.
“Happiness is about being present and finding a sense of purpose (spiritual wellbeing); nutrition, exercise and rest (physical wellbeing); learning and curiosity (intellectual wellbeing); friendship, love and social interactions (relational wellbeing); and dealing with painful emotions and experiencing pleasure (emotional wellbeing),” says psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD, co-founder of the Happiness Studies Academy, and author of Choose The Life You Want: The Mindful Way to Happiness.
The good news? You don’t need to ace every category. “We of course do not need to be thriving in each area, but introducing change in any one or more of these dimensions will positively affect our overall happiness,” Ben-Shahar says.
That means even one small shift maybe moving your body a little more, calling a friend, or picking up a new hobby—can make a meaningful difference.
Get crafty
“Certain hobbies, like needlepoint, knitting or crocheting, force you to be present and focused on the task at hand, which can help keep your mind engaged and your anxiety from taking over,” notes Charmain Jackman, PhD, a licensed psychologist and the founder and CEO of InnoPsych, Inc.
Research backs her up: A survey in the journal Perspectives in Public Health revealed that crocheting made respondents—mostly women between 41 and 60 years old—feel calmer and happier. The takeaway is simple: making something with your hands can quiet your mind and lift your spirits.
Simply remember your favorite things
“Your mind, body and spirit are all connected, and the more we can strengthen the relationship between them, the better and happier our lives will be,” says Jessica Schatz, a meditation leader and integrative wellness and biomechanics coach based in Los Angeles.
She recommends making a list of about 10 things that complete this sentence for you: “I am following my joy when…” Responses could be making a cup of tea, calling a friend or reading a good book. Then consciously incorporate those items more regularly into your routine.
“Research shows that an hour or two of a meaningful and pleasurable experience can affect the quality of an entire day, or even a whole week,” notes Ben-Shahar. That’s a remarkable return on a relatively small investment of time and attention.
Try saying ‘no’
As Tawwab noted in the podcast, boundaries are essential, but flexibility matters just as much. Knowing when to say no is one of the most powerful tools you can develop for protecting your happiness.
“We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much,” adds Ben-Shahar. “Knowing when to say ‘no’ to others often means saying ‘yes’ to ourselves.”
Practice gratitude
“What’s something small that you can appreciate as soon as you wake up? If you’re making your bed and plumping the pillows, instead of thinking of it as a chore, use the moment to appreciate that you have a comfortable bed to sleep in,” says Judy Kuriansky, PhD, a clinical psychologist on the faculty at Teachers College, Columbia University.
“The simple little things that we take for granted every day are the very things that give us control and happiness in life,” she says.
Keep moving
Being active is one of the best ways to feel happy fast. A study of more than 2,300 adults in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found that those who had a higher physical activity level were happier and had greater life satisfaction.
“To get both the physiological and mental benefits of exercise, do something that’s fun and gets your heart rate up at least three times per week,” says Baron. The key word is “fun.” Exercise doesn’t have to mean grueling gym sessions. If you enjoy dancing, walking or playing pickleball that counts. The best workout for increasing happiness is one you’ll actually look forward to doing.
Listen to music
“All of the Olympic athletes I work with have a special playlist that gets them in whatever mood they want to be in when they work out,” notes Baron.
But you don’t have to be breaking a sweat to see the benefits. A study in The Journal of Positive Psychology revealed that when people listened to 12 minutes of uplifting classical music, with the hope that it would improve their moods, they reported greater levels of happiness.
That’s just 12 minutes—less time than most commutes. The next time you need a mood lift, cueing up an upbeat playlist could be one of the fastest routes there.
Perform random acts of kindness
When participants in one study, published in The Journal of Social Psychology, performed a variety of kindness activities over the course of one week, their happiness soared. And researchers found a positive correlation between the number of kind acts and the size of their happiness boost. When we direct our energy and resources toward others, something shifts inside us for the better.
Recall happy memories
“When you’re depressed, it can be difficult to drum up positive thoughts in those moments,” says Baron. “When you’re feeling good, you tend to remember things that make you happy. So write down those memories when they pop up, and review them when you’re down and need a mental boost and it’s just not coming to you naturally.”
Think of it as building a happiness archive—a collection of memories, moments and feelings you can reach for when your mood dips.
Spend time with friends
Of all the strategies on this list, this one may be the most fundamental—and it ties directly back to the heart of Tawwab’s message.
“The number one predictor of happiness is the time we spend with people we care about and who care about us,” explains Ben-Shahar.
No matter how many wellness strategies you adopt, the most effective happiness tool may be the one humans have relied on since the beginning: genuine connection with another person.
The bottom line on finding your balance
Happiness doesn’t come from perfect self-protection or flawless self-care routines. It comes from a willingness to engage with life, with other people and with yourself in ways that are flexible, kind and present.
As Tawwab put it, some of us have become so focused on shielding ourselves that we’ve inadvertently shut out the very experiences and people that make life worth living. Others may be so enmeshed in relationships that they’ve lost their own sense of self. Neither extreme leads to true happiness. The science is clear, and our experts agree. The path forward doesn’t require perfection—just a willingness to keep adjusting the balance.
A version of the happiness tips in this article appeared in our partner magazine, How To Beat Stress, in 2022.
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