How To Cope With Empty Nest Syndrome: Empowering Ways To Embrace This Next Chapter
It all starts with accepting your conflicting feelings
We all want our kids to grow up happy, healthy and independent. Yet that last wish for our not-so-little-ones is more than bittersweet, and it still hurts when they fly the coop. Here, experts share how to cope with empty nest syndrome by accepting ambivalent feelings, rediscovering your passions and writing this next chapter on your terms. After all, this new phase of life is not only about celebrating the people your kids have become, but also about acknowledging how much you continue to grow.
Validate your emotions
One universal truth about empty nesting? You’re going to feel “big things,” says Kami Gilmour, author of Release My Grip: Hope for a Parent’s Heart as Kids Leave the Nest and Learn to Fly. She likens this journey to “emotional nausea,” as you experience everything from grief to dread. You might also feel differently about each child, leading to guilt. “My daughter was easy and I was devastated when she left, but my middle son struggled and I wanted him to start a new chapter.” Simply remind yourself that such contrasting feelings are natural, she assures. “Every emotion you feel is valid.”
Foster connections
It’s normal to feel a loss of identity at this stage of life, notes mental health expert Ruth C. White, PhD, founder of WellMindPlus, where she supports women navigating life transitions. “If you’re single, for example, loneliness may become an issue,” she says. “Free time that used to be structured around the rhythms of your child’s school life may also be a challenge.” To cope, she urges reaching out to other women. “It’s vital to connect over shared interests to fill this gap.”
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Bump up your ‘salary’
“When your kids leave home, you get a raise,” declares Jill Savage, author of Empty Nest, Full Life. “That’s because your money no longer has to be divided in so many directions.” She urges using this “bump” to prioritize your needs, whether that means taking a class or focusing on retirement goals. “Not only does this benefit you, it also benefits your kids because when they see you flourishing, they feel the freedom to flourish themselves.”
Embrace possibilities
Now that all your nesting has borne fruit—or should we say, feathers—as your kids soar on their own, it’s time to consider “reverse nesting,” says Gilmour. It’s up to you whether that means literally redecorating, or redesigning your life more figuratively. “I did everything from creating dollhouse dioramas to writing a letter to my 8-year-old self, telling her that I now have the freedom to chase new goals—this helped me stay accountable to myself.”
Enjoy a new ‘moon’
“When the kids left, I remember my husband saying, ‘I’m going to come home every day for lunch.’ But I quickly learned, no, you’re not,” Gilmour recalls with a laugh. “This is a time of freedom, not more obligation.” That’s why she encourages enjoying an “empty-nest moon.” “Plan dates and getaways—my husband and I bought e-bikes and tried new hobbies. This is an important season for your marriage, so explore it together.”
Spread your wings
When Gilmour became an empty nester, she volunteered to take care of baby squirrels at a wildlife rehab center. “I remember being told not to cuddle them because they would grow too dependent on me,” she recalls. “That resonated with me. My kids don’t need me to check in all the time—they need me to lead a full life because as moms, we’re always modeling what their future will look like.”
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