How to Get Your Sparkle Back: 6 Ways to Boost Your Confidence, Charisma—And Courage to Be Yourself
See the single word that can help you meet your goals and live the life you want every day
What exactly is your sparkle? You know it when you see it. Or more accurately, you know it when it’s missing. From the inner flame that ignites your confidence to the je ne se quoi that makes you so charming, your sparkle is, for lack of a better definition, what makes you you. But if you’re feeling like that shine has dimmed recently, keep reading for a few simple ways to get your sparkle back—and feel the renewed joy of being your authentic self.
Reflect on hidden joys
Just how might we define the inner stardust that gives us our sparkle? “Pay attention to little things that light you up,” says life coach Catherine Wilde, author of Reclaiming Your Inner Sparkle. “Ask yourself, ‘What’s something I used to do that brought me joy? When was the last time I lost track of time?’ I realized painting made me so happy, for example, but I didn’t give myself the space to play,” she says. “So I looked up how-to videos, and it flowed from there. I love that watercolor painting asks me to let go of control—it’s a metaphor for seeing where life takes me.”
Embrace authenticity
“We often edit ourselves,” says Sally Beaton, author of Get Your Sparkle Back. She urges letting all your facets shine. “I grew up in a religious home, but I’m a hippie: I want to wear my cross and have crystals—I don’t want to edit myself. Rather than be a version of yourself to appease others, be truthful about your whole self.
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Pick your sparkle word
Whether you’re a new mom, recent empty nester or freshly minted retiree, transitions are disorienting, and it’s easy to lose your sparkle along the way. Rather than put pressure on yourself to make a goal for the future, Wilde advises pinpointing a word that symbolizes your next chapter. “Last year, it was ‘simplicity,’ and for 2025, it’s ‘gentle,’” she shares. The beauty of your “sparkle word” is that you can define it on your terms. “Gentle can mean anything from being kinder to myself to being more patient with others—it’s a subtle reminder that brings me back to my values.”
Rediscover your rhythm
After you recapture your spark, tend to it with uplifting daily activities, says Jill Palmquist, author of In This Lifetime. “Rituals are a beautiful way to stay in the rhythm of our lives,” she says. “When you get up in the morning, for instance, consider setting an intention for your day like gratitude.” And keep it simple. “I love the quote by Meister Eckhart: ‘If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.’”
Try aggressive friendship
Those two words may not seem like they go together, but fostering social ties (yep, aggressively) is central to long-term happiness. Author David Brooks wrote about this concept in his book How to Know a Person, shares Palmquist. And it doesn’t mean getting in a fistfight with pals—quite the contrary. “Because it’s hard to make friends, we need to be proactive and be the first to reach out,” she says. “My circle of friends is my greatest joy. Sometimes family isn’t family, but they feel like it.” After all, when we feel seen, we sparkle all the more.
Create boundaries
If you’re like most women, your “energy bank account” is in overdraft, and filling it up requires creating a few boundaries. “Start by identifying who lifts you up and who drains you,” says Beaton. The good news is this gets easier as we grow older. “I don’t give my energy away like I used to when I was younger because I don’t care as much what people may think about me. Get really bold and speak your truth—it’s how you’ll safeguard your sparkle.”
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