Science Behind Decision-Making: How to Do What’s Best for You

Making decisions is not always easy, especially when it comes to bigger questions with greater impact on our lives. And sometimes, it’s not quite as simple as deciding between a right or wrong choice. For example, when it might be time to walk away from something that’s no longer serving you, it might be difficult to make rational decisions when faced with stress and anxiety. Whether you’re debating if it’s time to change jobs or shift gears in your personal life, “quitting” often means opening the door to new opportunities, changing your court of action for the better. Here, experts explain how to do just that with grit and courage, shifting negative thoughts to a positive mindset.

Redefine the term ‘resignation’ and focus on the positive

We tend to put a lot of effort into persisting, but sometimes all that striving is merely “skin-deep resilience,” says researcher Michael Ungar, Ph.D, author of The Limits of Resilience and founder and Director of the Resilience Research Centre at Canada’s Dalhousie University. He encourages us to look deeper at the cost of our “keep going” mentality and recognize negative thought patterns.

“Persevering, no matter what, can take a toll on us psychologically, physically and can even affect our relationships, if we become burned out and ‘unavailable’ for the happier moments in our lives,” he says.

Indeed, quitting can be healthy and the emotionally intelligent thing to do, adds expert Holly Parker, Ph.D., author of When Reality Bites: How Denial Helps and What to Do When it Hurts, practicing psychologist and professor of The Psychology of Close Relationships at Harvard University.

“The ability to walk away is connected to ‘cognitive flexibility,’ the capacity to recognize when we’re doing something that isn’t working and start fresh,” she explains.

In other words, don’t beat yourself up for longing to stop something that no longer serves you, because walking away means you’re adaptable. Identify the problem, shift your mindset, set a course of action in place and pay attention as your life changes for the better.

Gauge your ‘quit quotient’

woman outside looking into distance smiling — kyonntra/Getty

“If you’re considering quitting something, whether it’s a job, a relationship or something else entirely, just ask yourself a few key questions,” suggests Carla Messenger, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and director of Mindful Solutions, LLC, a private practice that provides mental health services. “Is there any scenario in which this thing I’m thinking about quitting can get better? Can I do anything to make it better? How long have I been miserable in this situation? Do I have any ideas about what comes after I walk away?”

She says simply asking yourself these questions is more than half the battle – even the decision makers among us likely rely on a pros and cons list when making such tough calls: “If you already have specific thoughts about what you want to do, where you want to work or what kind of person would be better for you, then you’ve already begun to formulate a plan for your next steps.”

Discover your narrative

Sometimes we think we need to walk away entirely, when in fact we have more control over a situation than we realize.

“Ask yourself what kind of story you’re telling yourself — what’s satisfying or dissatisfying about a situation?” asks Parker. “Let’s say you don’t feel good at work — it’s very tempting to tell yourself that you have to suck it up or leave.”

But if you slow down and get a little curious, you might discover it’s not the job itself that you want to “quit.”

“There may be all sorts of reasons you’re unhappy; for example, maybe interacting with a certain colleague reminds you of a painful part of your past.”

When we zoom out a bit, we’re able to see more clearly if we truly need to quit or if these problems are solvable.

How to move forward

So, it’s time to move onward after deciding to switch paths. Where do you begin?

Lean on your experience

Picture the path ahead with as much detail as you can, urges Parker.

“Research indicates we’re not very accurate at gauging how our decisions will make us feel in the future,” she says, “because we tend to overly focus on only one aspect of our plan and lose sight of the others.”

For example, you might assume you’ll be happier if you quit your current job — but you didn’t gamble on the extra 30 minutes a new one would tack onto your commute. “Ask yourself if you can rely on aspects of your past for guidance. How did you feel when you made similar changes in your life? Were you able to accurately guess the outcome? You can draw on data from your past to move forward.” Making an intuitive decision is just as important as a business decision – using both tactics can make a big impact.

Test drive a different path

woman relaxes on the pier at the beach — adamkaz/Getty

Before changing course completely, it helps to “sample” a new direction, says Parker. She recalls when a family commitment required her to take a much earlier shift at work years ago.

“If someone had told me then to show up at work at 6 a.m., I would have said, ‘Are you crazy?’” she says with a laugh. But she found getting out of work earlier—and avoiding capital “T” traffic — was worth it. “I asked my boss if I could ‘sample’ this new earlier shift again, and it turned out I loved it and was able to make a permanent change.”

If you’re curious about making a shift in life, in other words, see if you can “test drive” your new decision first.

Don’t put pressure on yourself

It’s a study-proven fact: We make better decisions when we consider the points of view of three to four trusted advisors. So, when you’re debating whether to walk away from something (or someone), look to your wise counsel, urges Messenger.

“Ask people you trust what they think, but don’t put pressure on yourself to act immediately,” she says. “Remember, most decisions in life are just temporary and are made to be changed as you change—just because you walk away now, doesn’t mean you can’t return to this path later with new information and renewed confidence.”

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