You Don’t Have To Live With Low Desire: 7 Sexual Health Myths Doctors Want You To Ditch
Discover the sex and STI myths quietly wrecking women's health—and how to fix them
Key Takeaways
- Most chlamydia and gonorrhea cases in women have zero symptoms—so testing matters.
- Low desire, pain or dryness after menopause are treatable, not just "aging."
- A Pap smear does not test for STIs—you must ask for that separately.
If we could be a fly on the wall at a sexual health clinic, we’d hear the same questions come up again and again—questions patients feel nervous to ask, and answers doctors wish every patient knew sooner. “The questions I receive reveal how much confusion remains about STI testing and transmission,” says Andi Toufexis, DO, a family medicine physician and author of The Herpes Handbook. Through her work, she’s noticed the same surprising knowledge gaps surfacing again and again when it comes to women’s sexual health.
So we asked top experts to share the things women really need to know about their sexual health as they age—the stuff no one tells you at your annual checkup. Here are seven of the most common misconceptions standing between you and the best (and healthiest) sex of your life. And don’t miss the first half of this two-part series: 10 things women weren’t taught about their own bodies.
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Myth #1: No symptoms means no STI
This is one myth that doctors want to clear up: Not all sexually transmitted infections come with major signs. “In women, gonorrhea and chlamydia are usually silent, asymptomatic in an estimated 50 to 80 percent of women compared with under 10 percent of men for some infections,” says Steven Goldberg, MD, a family and urgent care physician at UofLHealth in Louisville, Kentucky.
“Chlamydia—the most reported STI in the U.S.—is typically asymptomatic in women even while it can be transmitted and can quietly progress.” He stresses, “‘Feeling fine’ is not evidence of being infection-free. Untreated chlamydia and gonorrhea can ascend to cause pelvic inflammatory disease, which can lead to infertility, chronic pelvic pain and ectopic pregnancy. Untreated STIs are also linked to cervical cancer (via HPV) and to a notable increased risk of acquiring HIV.”
Myth #2: STIs only happen to young, single people
“The World Health Organization estimates more than 1 million new STIs are acquired every day worldwide,” says Dr. Goldberg. “Women are anatomically and biologically more susceptible and face more severe reproductive consequences.” He also stresses not to fall for this misconception: “Being in a committed relationship or being older means I don’t need testing.” He corrects, “Risk is tied to exposure, not relationship status, and screening recommendations extend to older women with ongoing risk factors.”
He says the stigma around STIs “is itself a health hazard, because it drives fear of judgment and delays care, which worsens outcomes.” The good news: “Most STIs are curable, and the viral ones are manageable when caught.”
In addition, many women fear that STI testing is painful or highly invasive. Dr. Goldberg clarifies, “Chlamydia and gonorrhea are detected with a self-collected vaginal swab or a urine sample. No pelvic exam is required just for STI screening.”
Myth 3: A Pap smear is the same as an STI test
“It can be confusing because sometimes there is testing done for certain infections, such as HPV, during a Pap smear,” clarifies Dr. Toufexis. But they are not one and the same. “If a woman is wanting to be screened for STIs, she should specifically ask for that during her appointment with her doctor rather than assuming that the Pap will check for everything.” And be specific about your concerns. She adds, “A complete STI panel does not check for everything. There is no one universal ‘complete panel.’”
One test result that is common is a positive HPV finding. “About nine out of 10 women are exposed at some point in their lives.” Dr. Toufexis adds, “One thing I’ve come to understand in my role as a sexual health educator is that women are often given test results or a diagnosis without enough information to understand what it means for their health, their sex life or their relationship.”
Myth 4: Sexual problems are rare and shameful
We don’t feel embarrassed about a toothache, sore knee joints or a thyroid imbalance, so there should also be zero shame surrounding women’s sexual health challenges. “Sexual problems are common, medical and treatable, not a personal failing or an inevitable part of aging,” says Dr. Goldberg. “Symptoms of female sexual dysfunction—low desire, arousal difficulty, orgasm problems or pain with sex—affect an estimated 40 to 50 percent of women, yet many assume nothing can be done.”
This doctor is trying to clear up the myths and encourage an open dialogue with patients. “The most frequently cited reason women with low desire don’t seek help is the belief that it is simply a natural part of aging or of being in a long-term relationship.” He adds, “The reality is that most of these concerns are recognized medical conditions with effective treatments.”
Wondering where your desire went? Our Desire Hub has expert answers and ways to get your spark back.
Myth #5: If sexual desire isn’t spontaneous, something is wrong
While a man can see a beautiful woman and instantly be turned on, the switch may not flip as quickly for women. “Sexual desire does not always arrive spontaneously. Developing desire after affection, stimulation or connection begins can be completely normal,” says Shernell Surratt-Gary, DO, specializing in family and recovery medicine, and a clinical advisor at Aura Wellness. “Some women don’t feel spontaneous desire at all. Sexual desire then becomes a responsive rather than spontaneous event.”
“However, low desire becomes a clinical concern when it causes distress, requiring an evaluation of medications, mood, sleep, pain, hormones and medical conditions,” says Dr. Surratt-Gary. For example, hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is a recognized clinical condition that explains persistent, distressing low sex drive.
Myth #6: You have to live with vaginal pain and dryness
Another misconception that Dr. Goldberg wants to clear up with patients: “Painful sex and vaginal dryness after menopause have a name and a treatment.” He explains, “This is genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM), driven by falling estrogen, and it affects a large share of women, often not appearing until several years after menstruation stops, which is why many don’t connect it to menopause.” He adds, “Effective therapies exist, including vaginal moisturizers/lubricants and low-dose vaginal estrogen, yet surveys show roughly two-thirds of affected women are only somewhat familiar with or unaware of these treatments.”
Dr. Surratt-Gary notes, “Bleeding after sex also warrants medical attention, especially if recurrent or occurring after menopause. Any bleeding after menopause isn’t normal and can signal something more serious.”
Myth #7: Your questions will embarrass your doctor
This is a big one. Know that doctors have heard and seen it all before. So don’t stress about speaking up and educating yourself about your body and your sexual health at your medical appointments. “Most women never raise sexual concerns with their doctor, usually out of embarrassment or a fear of being dismissed,” says Dr. Goldberg. “Most clinicians want to be asked about these problems. Yet most patients want their physician to bring the topic up, meaning the conversation is worth starting, and a good clinician welcomes it.”
The bottom line on sexual health
From silent STIs to treatable menopause symptoms, the biggest obstacle to women’s sexual health often isn’t the condition itself—it’s the silence around it. Every expert here agrees: Asking questions, even ones that feel awkward, is the first step toward feeling like yourself again.
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