Choosing Assisted Living? An Expert Shares the Critical Questions Most Families Don’t Know to Ask
Plus, discover the warning signs that mean you should walk away from a facility
Key Takeaways
- Understanding your loved one's personality is the first step to finding the right fit
- Asking about everything from dining to activities can help you make the best decision
- If your loved one has dementia, it's important to know the facility's memory care philosophy
If you feel like you don’t know where to begin when it comes to choosing an assisted living facility, you’re in good company. “Most people don’t know anything about senior care until they’re suddenly faced with it,” says elder care consultant Marcy Baskin, Senior Vice President of Senior Care Authority and author of Assisted Living: Questions I Wish I Had Asked. “There’s no class on it, and it’s not something you learn ahead of time.”
When Baskin had to find assisted living for her mother, who had Alzheimer’s, no one guided her through the process. “Looking back, I made a lot of mistakes, not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t know what I didn’t know.” Today, she helps families navigate this process. Keep reading for a simple primer on the right questions to ask to ensure you find the best fit for your loved one.
4 key factors to consider before your search
Before exploring assisted living facilities, begin by thinking about your priorities and what matters most for your loved one. Here, Baskin shares a few key factors to focus on.
Location
Do you want your loved one nearby, or would they prefer to remain in their current community? Proximity is especially important if you plan to visit often, she says.
Budget
Assisted living is a significant financial commitment, so it’s important to be realistic about costs and monthly fees from the start. Some families have long-term care insurance, Baskin notes, but many don’t, making it essential to understand what you can afford and plan accordingly.
Personality
Think about your loved one’s personality—it’s key to finding where they’ll be happiest. “Would they benefit from group activities, or are they more introverted and would prefer watching a movie, listening to music or reading a book?” says Baskin.
Room accommodations
Consider whether a shared room might help manage costs. “I was asked whether my mom would accept a shared room because I was starting to worry she would run out of money,” recalls Baskin. “Many people assume their parent would never accept that, but sometimes, especially with dementia, having another person nearby can be comforting.”
“I said no because my mom was so private,” Baskin says. “But looking back, she might have actually enjoyed it. My assumptions about her at age 50 were based on my experience with her when I was 15. I thought, ‘This is who my mom is—she’s very private.’ And that’s a key lesson I learned: It’s important to look through your parent’s window, not your own. Their perspective may have shifted since you were growing up.”
Critical questions to ask to find the right care facility
From care levels and activities to dining options, Baskin shares the key questions to ask to ensure your loved one gets the support they need.
What levels of care are provided?
It’s important to understand what is and isn’t offered by the care facility. “In California and many other states, assisted living licenses don’t allow for certain medical care, like administering insulin injections,” Baskin explains. “So it’s vital to know your state’s specific regulations.”
“My father, for example, had to check his blood sugar six times a day and adjust his insulin accordingly. He could never have lived in assisted living without hiring an outside company at $70 to $75 per visit—six times a day. The costs add up quickly. That’s why it’s critical to understand what care is and isn’t permitted in different facilities.”
Here are a few more specific care questions Baskin suggests asking:
- What happens if my loved one becomes incontinent, and how is that handled?
- How do you handle it if they resist bathing or they become upset (which is common with dementia)?
- How quickly does staff respond to a call button?
- How many caregivers are there per resident?
- How many staff members are awake overnight?”
What is the pricing structure?
Most places are not all-inclusive, she notes. “You want to make sure you understand the pricing structure, because as your loved one’s needs increase, costs will go up.”
Can my loved one age in place?
When you ask this question, what you’re really saying is: What happens if their needs increase? What if they become bedridden? What if they go on hospice?
“Most places will accept residents on hospice, but policies vary,” Baskin notes. “Some communities won’t admit someone already on hospice, but will allow them to stay if they transition to hospice while living there. That’s something you absolutely want to clarify upfront.”
What kinds of activities do they offer?
Another key category is activities like crafts and social events, notes Baskin. “What does daily life actually look like? My mom, for example, was making melted glass jewelry when she was still able to safely do that. Activities should match the resident’s abilities and interests.”
Are there flexible dining options?
Ask whether the facility offers all-day dining or has set hours for breakfast, lunch and dinner. “That matters because some people don’t want to get up at seven in the morning and finish breakfast by nine o’clock,” Baskin points out.
How do they care for people with Alzheimer’s?
When it comes to memory care, which is increasingly common as more people live longer, understanding the community’s philosophy is essential, Baskin emphasizes. How do they care for people with dementia?
“For example, some communities use approaches like Montessori-based dementia care, which focuses on what residents can do rather than what they can’t,” she explains. “But if I walk into a building and see a row of recliners with residents sitting in front of a blaring TV, disengaged, that’s not a place I would recommend.”
The bottom line on choosing an assisted living facility
Selecting an assisted living facility is one of the most important decisions you’ll make for a loved one, and it’s okay to take your time, ask questions and trust your instincts. “You’re not just looking for a place to live,” Baskin says. “You’re looking for a community where your loved one can feel safe, engaged and cared for with dignity.” By focusing on the questions that matter most—from care quality and costs to activities and philosophy—you’ll be better equipped to find a facility that truly fits your loved one’s needs.
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