‘I’m a Women’s Health Advocate—Here’s How to Avoid Medical Gaslighting and Get Doctors to Listen’
Feeling dismissed or unheard? Learn expert tips to get the care you deserve
It’s not your imagination—women experience medical gaslighting at higher rates than men. Your very real symptoms and concerns might be dismissed as stress, menopause or “just hormones.” Gender biases like these might be unintentional, but they still delay diagnosis and proper treatment.
Research has long shown that women often need to advocate for themselves in the healthcare system, which, sadly, doesn’t always put them first. One study found that women with severe stomach pain who went to the ER waited nearly 33 percent longer than men. Nearly 75 percent of millennial females have felt medically gaslit by a healthcare provider, another survey showed. And a survey from the American Cancer Society revealed that women were twice as likely as men to only feel “somewhat” confident in their quality of care, also reporting that they aren’t taken as seriously. (Even tennis legend Venus Williams was medically gaslit about her fibroids.)
So, what can be done? While much progress needs to be made at a system-wide level in healthcare, in the more immediate sense, we can and should advocate for our own specific needs, whether it’s asking one more question in a medical appointment to ensure we understand the plan or pushing back on something that doesn’t feel right.
Woman's World Answers
To find out how, we turned to Rebecca Bloom, Women’s Health Advocate and Author of When Women Get Sick: An Empowering Approach for Getting the Support You Need, from Menlo Park, CA. She is a former workplace and benefits attorney whose mother was diagnosed with breast cancer—a journey that highlighted how “complicated and confusing” women’s health can be. Now, she advocates for women across the country as they face breast and ovarian cancers as well as other serious conditions. Here’s what she wants women to know.
How to prevent medical gaslighting: 6 ways to get doctors to listen
If you feel like your symptoms are being dismissed, here’s how you can advocate for yourself in healthcare settings.
“Women in their 50s are natural teachers…We can show our daughters and granddaughters the art of effective assertion.” —Rebecca Bloom
Recognize it’s not all in your head
“Once inside a provider’s office, baked-in systemic biases and cultural norms abound. These include the persistent hysteria myth and dismissal of women’s pain and reporting of symptoms,” Bloom says, noting that she’s frequently seen women told that their pain is “normal” or not alarming enough to warrant more exploration. Or they’ve been told their symptoms are “part of aging” or that they are overreacting, gullible or even buying too quickly into what they see on social media. “With serious diseases like ovarian cancer presenting with subtle symptoms such as bloating and feeling full, these patterns can be incredibly costly,” Bloom says.
Create a respectful partnership
It helps to remember that doctors are people too. Start by being patient, respectful and clear, and expect the same. Set boundaries and expectations up front around how your doctor prefers you reach out for questions and emergencies, Bloom says. “Doing this in advance saves angst and creates space for respectful exchanges and fewer misunderstandings.”
Do your own research, but ask—don’t tell
No doctor wants to hear what ChatGPT thinks it knows that they don’t. While you should definitely do your own research, when you bring it to a doctor’s appointment, frame it as curiosity rather than confrontation. “Present your concerns to your doctor as questions you have, not conclusions you’ve drawn. Let the doctor do her job,” Bloom says. This also applies to reading your results on electronic records and jumping to conclusions when words appear that are alarming, such as “abnormal,” “irregular” and other phrases that might not actually indicate a serious problem.
Prepare for appointments
You wouldn’t head into an important presentation at work without a plan. So, come with specific questions written for your doctor, as it’s totally natural to freeze up or forget what you wanted to say, Bloom says. It can help to detail exactly what your symptoms are.
“Practice precision. Try to make your details as clear and accurate as possible. For example, rather than talking about stomach pain, if you could guide your doctor more specifically, say, to the left upper quadrant of your abdominal area, that might provide your doctor with more useful information,” she says.
Share as much as you can. For example, she says, if copays are stressing you out or you have other challenges preventing you from getting a full plan of care, speak up about those. All of this information will help.
Ask the right question to the right person
“Ask doctors ‘doctor questions,’” Bloom says—they might not know about scheduling or coverage, but their office administrator does. Keep your time with your doctor focused on symptoms, treatments, medications, side effects, devices and practical tips to lessen discomfort, she adds. Also, try to get specific advice on determining what is an emergency and what is not, so you know ahead of time and don’t worry when you go home and aren’t sure when to call for help.
Speak up if you’re being medically gaslit
Finally, women who feel they are being dismissed, medically gaslit or that their questions aren’t fully addressed should speak up and say just that. Bloom adds, “It’s important to get past what may be ingrained or unconscious biases that are blocking you from getting the care, treatment and attention you deserve.”
You can do this not just for yourself, but for the women around you and those who come after you. Bloom says, “Women in their 50s are natural teachers and culture keepers. We can show our daughters and granddaughters the art of effective assertion, fabulous feminine communication and time-tested navigating of life’s complexity. We can give so much guidance, share stories, lead kids and grandkids to quality resources and information and instill them with confidence.”
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