Feeling Lonely During the Holidays? Experts Share 9 Ways to Help You Find Joy and Connection
See the simple visualization that’ll ease loneliness and foster bonds
Just beyond the glimmering tinsel and twinkling lights of the season, a shadow falls for many of us: holiday-induced loneliness. In fact, 61 percent of Americans feel lonely this time of year, according to a 2023 survey. If you’re struggling or feel isolated, just know that you are far from alone. Here, psychologists and researchers share nine heartfelt ways to foster connection, community and true contentment this season—and beyond.
1. You really are in good company
The first thing to know about loneliness? “It’s a very common emotion, especially during a time of year couched in such deep nostalgia,” says psychologist Eileen Kranz Graham, PhD, Assistant Director of the Lifespan Personality and Health Lab at Northwestern University. She explains that while nostalgia can be uplifting, it’s often tinged with sadness. “During such an emotionally charged season, it may make some of us withdraw further. But just knowing everyone is experiencing strong emotions this time of year can help you feel less alone.”
2. Acknowledge your feelings
Rather than push it away, allow yourself to feel loneliness, advises psychotherapist Mike Dow, PhD, author of The Brain Fog Fix, and co-host of Counsel Culture on Amazon Prime. “When you acknowledge a negative feeling, you teach yourself to tolerate it,” he says. Over time, this helps boost your resilience and increase your self-esteem.”
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3. Identify underlying emotions
A hidden emotion that often exacerbates feelings of isolation: fear. “It seems every 10 seconds there’s a frightening breaking news story that heightens existential loneliness,” says expert Richard Weissbourd, Ed.D, a senior lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education and the Kennedy School of Government. “The world may seem alien, a feeling that can cause us to need others more.” How to soothe this aching feeling? Rediscover your purpose and find connection. “Taking action—whether volunteering, cleaning up your local park or helping a neighbor—lets you feel closer to others.”
4. Take a break from social media
“We tend to believe that we somehow deserve to be lonely,” says Kory Floyd, PhD, a professor of communication and psychology at the University of Arizona and author of The Loneliness Cure. “But it’s not a shortcoming—it’s a temporary ‘state’ we’re in because the holidays can be very difficult.” Indeed, our sense of isolation is often worsened by social media posts of holiday “perfection.” Remind yourself that these pictures are highly curated and don’t tell the whole story. Says Floyd, “Take a break from social media for 24 to 48 hours to help you refocus on your needs.”
5. Curb critical thoughts
There’s a strong correlation between anxiety and loneliness, says Weissbourd. “People who feel lonely tend to worry that others are critical of them, when they’re really not,” he explains. Just knowing that your anxiety may make you more vulnerable to such self-defeating thoughts will help you zoom out and gain a greater perspective. This “helicopter view,” Weissbourd says, can make you feel less anxious about reaching out to others and can ease your loneliness.
6. Connect to something bigger
“One of my favorite meditations is loving-kindness,” says therapist Jessie Everts, PhD, LMFT, author of Connecting with Loneliness: A Guided Journal. “Visualize someone you care about and send them positive thoughts, then expand this circle by sending good wishes to all those in the world who are lonely, like, ‘May you find comfort this holiday.’” This fosters a sense of shared humanity, as your bighearted wishes are reflected back to you.
7. Make small moves
It may sound counterintuitive, but folks who feel lonely tend to avoid others, says Sabine Schmid, PhD, Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Minnesota. “People often tell me, ‘If I call a friend, it makes me feel like I have to reach out—and that makes me feel even more left out.’” Though it may be hard at first, Schmid encourages taking a baby step, even if it’s just saying hello to a neighbor. This simple shift can reduce your self-focus, boosting the confidence you need to take further action, like reaching out to loved ones.
Indeed, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to feel more connected, adds Dow. “In one study, researchers asked participants to reach out in very small ways such as writing a text or sending a small gift, like cookies. The researchers then asked the subjects to estimate how happy the giftee would be.” Turns out, the participants drastically underestimated how happy these small gestures made people. “A simple act like texting an old friend promotes hope in the sender and receiver,” he says.
8. Consider writing a letter
One of the best ways to alleviate the heaviness of loneliness is by picking up the lightest of instruments: a pen. “Our research shows that simply writing someone a letter of affection or gratitude is a huge stress buster,” says Floyd. “There’s something very immediate and impactful about expressing these feelings in written words.” This could mean sending a heartfelt holiday card to a friend or faraway relative, or even writing a letter to a departed loved one to help you feel closer to them.
9. Tap the power of ‘weak ties’
If you don’t have family nearby this holiday, take heart: Simply saying “hi” to acquaintances or enjoying a bit of small talk with your barista—or so-called “weak ties”—is shown to lift your mood for hours, says Graham. In short, when you feel lonely, just taking a moment to lift someone else up will help lift you up.
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