How to Cope With Grief: Recover From Loss With These Tips

While most of our fears will never come to pass, the heartbreak of loss is something that will eventually touch each of us. Though everyone’s journey through grieving a loss is unique, one thing is universal: We all struggle to know how to cope with grief, especially when losing family members or close friends. Here, mental health professionals who’ve experienced it firsthand reveal the study-backed keys to honoring your feelings — and showing yourself compassion on your journey.

How to cope with grief and honor your emotions

1. Show yourself grace

Acknowledge all the grief you’re carrying and honor the grieving process, urges grief therapist Claire Bidwell Smith, author of Conscious Grieving. “Because our culture struggles to hold space for grief, we think we should be moving through it more quickly than is typically possible,” she says. “We can be hard on ourselves, often feeling discombobulated by the vulnerability grief elicits. Extending even a small amount of grace toward ourselves can go a long way.”

2. Let go of expectations

“Grief is as individual as your fingerprint,” says resilience expert Lucy Hone, PhD, author of Resilient Grieving, who lost her 12-year-old daughter, Abi, in a car accident. She urges letting go of preconceived notions of what it “should” look like. Instead, notice what’s helping or harming you. “Does looking at social media on Mother’s Day help you, or is it better to stay away on anniversary days?”

Some questions will be more painful than others, Hone admits, as she recalls asking herself: Is looking at photos of Abi late at night helping or harming me? “There’s no timeline for grief, so identifying what will get you through the next hour or day can be hugely effective.”

3. Know that you are never alone

A major key to resilience is knowing that we all struggle in life. Grief is a natural response to loss, and a support group is often a phone call away. “It’s powerful to accept you weren’t singled out,” says Hone. “About 76% of people will experience a potentially traumatic event, yet only 8% will develop post-traumatic stress disorder; this means we can cope.” The most resilient people are able to see what they can and can’t change — and what they still have in their lives, despite feelings of sadness. “Self-compassion helps stop the ‘why me?’ question, as it reminds you that you’re not alone.”

Two women reach out to each other, holding each other's hands in support, as they learn how to cope with grief — Kobus Louw

4. Let yourself feel their presence

“At least 60 percent of people experience signs of the person they’ve lost,” says grief expert Kimberley Pittman-Schulz, author of Grieving Us: A Field Guide for Living With Loss Without Losing Yourself.

She recalls a woman who decided she would see the world not only for herself but also for her late partner. “One day she found herself telling him about a flower on the nature path they both loved to walk — it made her feel like she could continue to do the things they enjoyed together moving forward in her own life.”

A woman stops to admire a purple flower on her nature walk, as she remembers a departed loved one and learns how to cope with loss. — Westend61

5. Find comfort in loving rituals

“Writing letters to them on anniversary days or carrying on traditions around holidays can bring people we’ve lost forward with us,” says Bidwell Smith. Indeed, rituals let us continue to love them, adds Hone, recalling her brother who died two years ago. “He was a huge yachtsman, and one day I was out swimming with his sons, and one of them suggested, ‘Let’s take one big gulp of seawater for Dad!’ It was completely unique to my brother, so it made me feel connected to him.”

6. Be inspired by their legacy

Reflect on how you want to live your life to honor your loved one. “You might think of how your mother taught you to be kind or stand up for people,” says Hone. “Ultimately, grief is about meaning-making: reconstructing a world that makes sense to us again.” As Pittman-Schulz puts it: “The hole that is grief can become a place for holding the one you love.”

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