‘What Matters With Liz’ Episode 7: Jennifer Wallace Says ‘Mattering’ Is the Missing Link—Here’s How to Feel It
The bestselling author explains why feeling valued and adding value are the keys to deep connection
Key Takeaways
- Author Jennifer Wallace says feeling valued and adding value are both essential human needs.
- Her SAID framework covers significance, appreciation, investment and dependence.
- Small everyday "clementine moments" can make people feel genuinely valued.
You know the feeling. A conversation where someone truly listens. A moment when your effort gets noticed. That quiet sense that you belong somewhere, to someone. Author Jennifer Wallace has a name for that feeling, and understanding it could reshape your closest relationships.
On the latest episode of What Matters with Liz, host Liz Vaccariello spoke with Wallace, a New York Times bestselling author and founder of The Mattering Institute, about the concept at the heart of her book Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose. The idea: People need to feel valued and they need to add value. When both conditions are met, something shifts.
“Mattering is defined as the idea that we feel valued for who we are and that we have an opportunity to add value to the world around us,” Wallace said. “After the drive for food and shelter, it is the need to matter that drives human behavior for better or worse.”
Woman's World Answers
This conversation is filled with actionable tools to help you feel more connected, more purposeful, and more appreciated…and to make others feel the same.
Watch What Matters With Liz Episode 7 here or listen on Spotify, Amazon Music and Apple Podcasts.
Watch Episode 7 right here! ‘What Matters With Jennifer Wallace: Small Moments, Deep Connection & Why We Matter’
In this episode you’ll learn:
- Why “mattering” is the missing link behind loneliness, disconnection and burnout
- The simple, everyday moments (Wallace calls them “clementine moments”) that make people feel valued
- The powerful SAID framework: Significance, Appreciation, Investment and Dependence
- How to combat negativity bias with an “impact file”
- Why friendships are suffering and how to reverse the “friendship recession”
- The surprising importance of “inconvenient favors” and showing up
- Why asking for help isn’t selfish—it’s generous
- How life transitions (empty nesting, caregiving, retirement) can shake our sense of purpose and how to rebuild it
- Practical ways to deepen connection at home, at work and even with strangers
The four-part framework that breaks it down
Wallace introduced a structure she calls the SAID framework, built around four elements: Significance, Appreciation, Investment and Dependence.
Significance is about being seen. Appreciation is about being acknowledged. Investment speaks to the time and energy someone puts into you. And then there’s dependence, the counterintuitive one: being needed, having other people rely on you in a real way.
That last piece might surprise you. We’re often told not to burden others, not to need too much. But Wallace’s framework flips that thinking around. Being depended on is part of what makes us feel like we matter.
What Matters With Liz airs every Wednesday on YouTube, Spotify, Amazon Music and Apple Podcasts, with highlights and behind-the-scenes clips shared on Instagram and Facebook.
Also, be sure to subscribe to the What Matters With Liz free newsletter from Woman’s World Editor-in-Chief Liz Vaccariello. Every week, you’ll get real talk about health, money and entertainment, plus uplifting stories, practical tips and exclusive updates on Vaccariello’s new video podcast.
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