The Surprisingly Simple Exercise Habit That Could Help You Fight Less With Your Partner
New research suggests exercising together may help couples communicate better
Key Takeaways
- A new study links exercising together with better communication and less conflict.
- Walking, strength training and cardio are three activities couples can try together.
- Experts say avoiding competition and unsolicited advice can help prevent tension.
Tired of arguing with your partner? We know that feeling. But what if we told you that something as simple as penciling in regular walks or workout sessions can help reduce conflicts in your relationship? Yes, you read that right. New research suggests that exercising together, a free activity that gets your endorphins flowing and supports your heart health, may also help cut down on conflict. Here’s everything you need to know.
What the research shows on exercising together to reduce conflict
A new Family Relations study looked at data from 1,693 married couples and found that those who exercised together reported better overall communication, stronger conflict-resolution skills and less marital conflict overall.
What explains these results? We asked Vanessa Cushing, LPC, NCC, MS, AASECT-certified sex and couples therapist and founder at Cushing Counseling, to break it down. “First, exercise can help reduce stress and improve emotional regulation, which are incredibly important when it comes to navigating conflict,” says Cushing. “When we’re already stressed or anxious, we’re much more likely to become defensive, irritable or reactive with our partners.”
Exercise also helps you work together with your partner. “Working towards a common goal helps strengthen communication,” explains Kat Grassetti, LCSW, women’s health specialist and clinical director at Monima Wellness Center. “As each person develops confidence in their ability to work well as a ‘team’ with others, they become better at communicating positively and resolving conflicts peacefully.”
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3 exercises to try with your partner to strengthen your relationship
So you want to give exercising with your partner a try, but you’re not quite sure where to start. Cushing shares three exercises you can try today.
Go on a walk
“Walking is probably one of my favorite recommendations for couples because it’s accessible to almost everyone,” says Cushing. “I also think there’s something really beneficial about having conversations while walking side by side rather than sitting directly across from each other. It can make difficult conversations feel a little less confrontational.”
What to do: Cushing recommends walking through the park, around your neighborhood or just about any area you and your partner both enjoy for 20 to 30 minutes, three to five times a week. “I encourage couples to put their phones away and really use that time to connect,” she adds.
Strength train together
“I personally love weight training with a partner,” says Cushing. “I think it creates a great opportunity to practice encouraging and supporting each other. You’re essentially working toward individual goals while still participating in a shared experience. That dynamic can be really beneficial for relationships because healthy partnerships require us to support each other’s individual growth, not just our shared goals.”
What to do: Go to the gym with your partner, spot each other when needed, alternate sets and encourage each other throughout the workout for one or two sessions a week, recommends Cushing.
Try a HIIT jog on a track
“One of the things I find interesting about higher-intensity exercise is that it demands your attention,” says Cushing. “When you’re focused on your breathing, your pace and completing an interval, it can be much harder to simultaneously ruminate about everything that’s stressing you out.”
What to do: Visit your local track and do intervals of a run, or even fast-paced walk, that aligns with each person’s fitness level, says Cushing. She recommends alternating between 30 seconds of fast paced movement and 90 seconds of recovery.
What to avoid when exercising with your partner
When it comes to the benefits of exercising with your partner, it’s not enough to just start and hope for the best. There are habits to avoid to make sure you’re making the most of your time and supporting your relationship. We asked Grassetti and Shannon Franklin, PsyD, licensed psychologist at Element Q Healing, to weigh in.
Don’t make it a competition
Even if you normally have a competitive spirit, it’s best to avoid that mindset when exercising with your partner, especially when trying to rebuild connection after a conflict.
“When one partner judges another based on how quickly they are moving or how well they perform, it creates additional stress that does not have to be there,” says Grassetti. “The purpose for couples to work out together is to enhance their relationship while doing something healthy. Not to compare which of them has better physical fitness.”
Skip unsolicited advice
Even if you’re a pro at an exercise and your first instinct is to correct your partner’s form, it’s better to skip it. “Do not give your partner unsolicited fitness advice or correct them during a workout,” says Franklin. “This can make the experience of working out an evaluation as opposed to a supportive relationship. Do not expect that you and your partner will have the same energy level, ability or motivation for exercise.”
The bottom line on exercising with a partner to curb fights
When it comes to recovering after a conflict with your partner or working toward having fewer disagreements, strategies that can help don’t always have to be complex. As research and our experts confirm, finding an exercise you both enjoy and doing it together may be a great way to strengthen your relationship while supporting your longevity and physical health in the process.
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