Can A Mattress Save Your Marriage? A Potential Alternative to Sleep Divorce

One person likes a soft mattress and the other feels like they’re sleeping in a hammock. Maybe someone snores, or they toss and turn and wake their partner. Often, these issues end with one person giving up, grabbing their pillow and settling in for a night on the couch.

These issues are hardly new, but they’ve only recently been given a name: sleep divorce. While the name may sound frightening, the reality is that it’s incredibly common. A 2024 survey from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that 29% of Americans have chosen to sleep in another bed or another room to accommodate their partner. They’ve made other changes as well, including sleeping at a different time than desired (33%) or even trying the “Scandinavian sleep method” of using separate blankets or comforters (10%).

It’s a common trend that, while it works for some people, isn’t a universal solution. Some couples thrive sleeping separately, enjoying the extra minutes of uninterrupted sleep each night and the ability to have a space of their own. But others miss sharing a bed with their partner. A survey from Sleep Foundation showed that over one-fourth of couples who tried a sleep divorce decided to start sharing a bed again, with many of them missing their partner at night.

Considering a sleep divorce? Try this first

Before taking that long walk down the hall to the guest room, there are a few options couples can try to improve sleep while still sharing a bed.

First things first: the mattress. Couples who have different weights and body sizes usually need different firmness levels. A heavier partner might need a firmer mattress to avoid sinking, while their lighter partner might feel like they’re sleeping on the ground. Side sleepers need enough give at the shoulder or hip to avoid discomfort, while back and stomach sleepers don’t. Partners may have different sleep preferences, which can make it difficult to find one mattress that suits both people. An adjustable firmness mattress is designed to address some of these concerns, though many air-based ones may require couples to balance their individual comfort and support preferences

“Two people shouldn’t have to choose between sleeping comfortably and sleeping together. Yet that’s exactly the compromise a traditional one-firmness mattress can ask couples to make,” says Paul Longman, founder and CEO of iSense, a next-generation sleep brand known for its Comfort Control™ Technology, which allows users to adjust the firmness of each side of the bed independently. Unlike traditional air beds, iSense beds use small air cylinders nestled inside high-performance foam to change support levels without the typical ‘hammock’ or waterbed feel. “Two people can have very different body types, sleeping positions and comfort preferences, yet we ask them to share one comfort setting every night,” Longman adds. “When each person can personalize the firmness on their own side, neither has to compromise simply because they share a bed. It won’t solve every sleep challenge, but when comfort is the issue, sometimes the answer isn’t sleeping apart. It’s creating a bed that works for both people.”

Another area to look at is the covers. If one person runs hot and the other doesn’t, it can be tough finding a comforter that meets both needs. Even if both partners like the same blanket, they can still run into issues with one person hogging the covers and the other fighting for scraps. This is where the Scandinavian sleep method, in which both partners sleep with separate blankets on the same bed, can be effective. It might seem strange at first, but many people who try it soon find it becomes second nature.

Then there are the pillows. The height of the pillow changes the angle of the neck, which plays a big part in how much weight lands on the shoulder and how firm the mattress feels. Matching pillow sets sound cute, but in reality, each person probably needs their own pillow with the right firmness level.

Addressing sleep issues at the root

Some sleep problems may stem from issues with the mattress. If couples are sleeping on a poor-quality mattress, no comforter or adjustable pillow is going to completely make up for it. While many adjustable mattresses come with their own set of issues, some of them are being built differently to address both partners’ needs without sacrificing support.

iSense makes an adjustable firmness mattress with seven small air cylinders on each side of the bed, which can be adjusted between 20 different firmness levels. More air makes the mattress firmer, while less air makes it softer. Underneath the Comfort Control layer, 580 individually wrapped pocket coils help limit movement across the mattress, allowing both sleepers to adjust firmness levels while maintaining support.

“This puts the power in the user’s hands,” adds Longman. “It is unlikely that your partner will need or prefer the exact same comfort level you do, and even if you find something that works today, your body and your needs will change over the next five to ten years.”

A quick test in a showroom usually isn’t enough to find the right mattress. According to iSense, its sleep data indicates that most people take more than 30 nights to identify their preferred firmness level. That’s where what iSense describes as its 180-night comfort guarantee comes in handy, as couples can play around with comfort levels and make sure they’re committing to the right mattress.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with getting a sleep divorce. Sleeping in separate beds doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is unhealthy, and many couples thrive sleeping separately. But for couples who want to try everything at their disposal, there is hope. Try these solutions before making the move to the guest room.

This article is for informational purposes only and does not substitute for professional medical advice. If you are seeking medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, please consult a medical professional or healthcare provider.