Let’s Talk About Sexual Desire—Specifically, How to Have More of It!
Women have been suffering in silence for far too long, but there's real help available
Key Takeaways
- Women aren’t served by staying silent about sexual dissatisfaction. We now have resources.
- Speaking up to doctors or asking about new tools like the Addyi pill can help restore desire.
- Women in their 50s and beyond are enjoying fulfilling sex. Your pleasure matters at every age.
We need to talk about desire. Specifically, why women are accepting a subpar sex life in midlife and beyond. I know it’s felt a bit taboo in some circles (and at some ages) to discuss sexual desire. But we’re going to start saying the quiet parts out loud. Here at Woman’s World, we’ve always put you and your joy first—and providing actionable, proven health solutions is part of that mission. That has always included women’s sexual health. Consider this corner of the Internet your safe space to chat about wanting sex, having sex and enjoying sex. Topics that are overlooked elsewhere—particularly when it comes to women in the prime of their lives.
Let’s talk about desire and how we all deserve to enjoy better sex (whether on your own terms or with a partner). We’ve examined the latest research, will connect you with supportive doctors and introduce breakthrough science-backed treatments that are finally changing the game for women who want a thriving intimate life. Get ready to feel informed, inspired and empowered as you enjoy the mind-blowing wellness benefits of a healthy sex life. Welcome to this “desire dialogue.” It’s a pleasure to have you here!
“Some of my patients have their best sex life after 50!” -Sameena Rahman, MD
Why many women haven’t spoken up about subpar sex
The silence can stem from a myriad of ingrained, patriarchal issues, including how women are raised to be people pleasers, not complainers. Or from not wanting to threaten a partner’s ego. Unfortunately, through much of history, society has assumed women’s value disappears after child-bearing age. Old-school thinking goes like this: Why would older women want to keep having sex, let alone care if it was good?
Those unhelpful ideas start early. According to one survey, 78 percent of women say sex education didn’t teach anything about female pleasure. In the documentary The Pink Pill, about gender inequalities surrounding sexual health and desire, Sarah Cigna, MD, ob-gyn and sex-med specialist, explains, “The gap starts when we realize that society doesn’t really care whether or not someone with a clitoris has an orgasm. And once you realize that, you recognize where all these balls get dropped.”
Medical dismissal has left women’s pleasure ignored for too long
Medical gaslighting is real when it comes to women’s health complaints, especially sexual ones. For example, one systematic review of studies conducted in Germany found it often takes women up to 12 years to get an endometriosis diagnosis. That’s a lot of needless suffering.
But frustration and misinformation happen in small, insidious ways too. Imagine always being told your thyroid lab work looks “normal” even though you struggle with unexpected fatigue. Year after year, your symptoms are dismissed and “it’s all in your head” or “this is normal for aging women.” Then perimenopause arrives and your symptoms multiply. The result: Many women understandably hesitate to bring up concerns about real health conditions like low desire after a lifetime of being ignored in other areas.
“Women accept a certain amount of suffering and don’t think about their own pleasure,” says Sameena Rahman, MD, a sex-med gynecologist. “Half the time, women don’t realize they have options. Thankfully, now women are more openly talking about it. We’re destigmatizing the discussions. We have clinicians talking about what they offer.” She promises, “This is a great time to work toward a more fruitful sex life.”
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The real pleasure gap: What the research reveals
Another elephant in the room: women faking pleasure. Just how widespread is the pleasure problem? Scientists have uncovered a real orgasm gap between genders. In a study of heterosexual couples published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, men were 46 percent more likely to orgasm than women. (Odds were better with same-sex couples.) And in additional research, as many as 85 percent of women admit to faking orgasms.
Consider this statistic about the gender bias in sexual medicine: Today, men have 26 FDA-approved medications on the market to address their sexual health; women have only one daily pill available (more on that breakthrough below!).
The good news and a bright future ahead
Why do we share the bleak state of women’s sexual health as it relates to desire? Because newsflash: Things are improving! We’re encouraged to see growing research about women’s sexual health and desire and life-changing pharmaceutical breakthroughs.
We’ve all heard of Viagra, the little blue pill that helps men in the bedroom. It’s been around for a generation. But did you know there’s a little pink pill for women? Addyi is a once-daily, non-hormonal medication that treats women with clinically low sex drive, or hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). It is now FDA-approved for women ages 18 to 65 to gently rebalance chemicals in the brain linked to natural desire. With this tool now in our toolkit, millions of women who have lost that spark and miss that special intimacy in their life can get it back.
How to use our new desire dialogue hub to get the help you deserve
It’s never too late to enjoy fulfilling intimacy. “Some of my patients have their best sex life after 50,” reveals Dr. Rahman. “Recently, I’ve had 70-year-olds come to me saying, ‘Fix my vagina, I have a new boyfriend.’” Now more than ever before, women in midlife and beyond are striving for great sex and getting it.
Want to learn more? We invite you to use our new desire dialogue hub to get the help you deserve. Here, you’ll find endless resources. We have engaging articles about every aspect of desire. We also provide helpful tools, like conversation starters for you to take to your doctor—actual dialogue prompts we call pink scripts that make you confident and comfortable talking with your doctor about sexual health and low desire. Because we understand that many women prefer to make these delicate doctor appointments as easy and convenient as possible, we’ve also set up a telehealth portal to connect you with knowledgeable healthcare providers who can help you achieve your goals.
What you need to know about Addyi, the FDA-approved pill for low desire
We’re so passionate about this topic, we’ve partnered with the makers of Addyi to bring the latest medication information to you. We’re providing loads of helpful information about this FDA-approved, history-making medication that’s helping women regain lost desire and feel like their best, sexiest selves.
How exactly does the little pink pill work on low libido? It gently restores brain chemistry that affects your sex drive over time—often within four weeks—to help women once again feel the natural spark they once did. The treatment makes us more open to initiating and responding to intimacy.
Even better news? Addyi can improve both types of sexual desire. There’s spontaneous desire, like wanting to grab a new, exciting partner for a kiss! And responsive desire, more common in long-term relationships, when we slowly get in the mood because we notice our partner making thoughtful gestures like giving us a foot rub or emptying the dishwasher. Dr. Rahman quips, “We call that ‘choreplay’ because it is part of foreplay!”
We’re hoping with all this information, we can erase stigma and counter the misconceptions. Dr. Rahman reveals, “A patient came to me and said, ‘My doctor wouldn’t prescribe me the pink pill because she thought it would make me like horny all the time.’ I explained, ‘That’s not how it works.’” Dr. Rahman adds, “We want women and their doctors to really understand how these medications work, and how your desire works.”
Looking ahead
No more need for silence about sexual desire, especially if it’s causing you personal distress. We’re starting the conversation and keeping it going. Because intimacy is important, and you deserve to enjoy it and reap its real health benefits!
Additional reporting by Lisa Maxbauer