Dysregulated Relationships in a Fragmented World: Suzanne York’s Vision for Healing as a Combination

In a world of rising divorce rates, family estrangement, and workplace toxicity, Suzanne York argues that the root issue isn’t individual failure but people’s fragmented approach to living and building relationships. These trends highlight a collective struggle to navigate familial, professional, and societal relationships, ultimately leading to their end. The solution, instead, lies in understanding relationships as a unique whole, not a sum of individuals.

Suzanne York explores these relational dynamics. Her work with individuals and teams as the founder of Humans Optimized has enabled her to observe the pivotal role that relationships play in either fostering regulation or exacerbating dysregulation. As individuals embrace emotional self-regulation to find inner peace, leaving relationships may seem like the only solution if they can’t find this same peace around them. “Relationships are the heart of human experience,” she states. “We’re meant to exist in connection with one another, and yet how we approach these connections today makes us more fragmented than whole.” She has come to recognize that seeing oneself as separate from one another rather than interconnected, creates an unspoken set of expectations about relationships. These expectations become a source of disappointment when they aren’t met.

The growing awareness of attachment styles—patterns of bonding formed in childhood—is revealing entrenched beliefs in adults about these relationship expectations. For some, a mismatch in these beliefs becomes irreconcilable differences. Adults are cutting ties with parents they deem toxic, wanting to break cycles of dysfunction. A survey indicates that 27% of American adults have estranged relationships with a family member.

Marriage is now being reevaluated through modern lenses, and with more financial independence, women have found it easier to leave unhealthy marriages when the expectations of an equal partnership are not met. Statistics show that 69% of divorces are initiated by women.

Political divides have further strained relationships, creating rifts in families, friendships, and communities. Polarization nurtures distrust and alienation. This means many become unwilling (or unable) to engage with those holding opposing views, causing them to see someone’s opinions as their identity.

The workplace isn’t immune to the relational crisis. Rising turnover rates are usually due to unresolved interpersonal tensions among colleagues. A 2024 talent retention report shows that 32.4% of employees leave their jobs because of toxic workplace culture. This number reveals how regulating or dysregulating a professional environment can be for individuals.

However, eliminating relationships to the point of isolation isn’t the solution. Suzanne believes people can move toward a more regulated and connected existence by understanding how consequential whole relationships are. She stresses that individuals miss the bigger picture when they focus solely on self-regulation without considering the reciprocal impact they have on relationships and the effect relationships have on them. Relationships act as amplifiers (both positively and negatively). For example, a regulated individual can become dysregulated in the wrong relationship, while two dysregulated individuals can find balance through healthy co-regulation. Relationships not only impact those within the combination but those around it as well, creating either a productive or destructive atmosphere.

The breakdown of communal living is one of the reasons why co-regulation has dwindled. People used to live in villages, where support came from an entire community. Today, they expect one or two people to meet all their needs, which is unrealistic and isolating. Modern society has nurtured hyper-independence. Asking for help is seen as a weakness, preventing individuals from building the interdependent relationships necessary for co-regulation.

She adds, “We think of regulation as an individual process—something we do alone to calm ourselves. We need to look at the combinations of people and how they help or hinder collective regulation.”  It starts by recognizing the underlying expectations in these relationships and giving them a voice. This is where the concept of the Third Entity™ comes in. Developed by The Center for Right Relationship (CRR Global), this refers to the essence or dynamic that emerges when two or more people interact.

Just as individuals have distinct personalities, relationships have their own unique identity—one that Suzanne refers to as the combination. Jungian scholars might liken this Third Entity or combination to a collective consciousness, while business leaders may compare it to an intangible yet permeable corporate culture.

Suzanne states that understanding and addressing what emerges with a combination of people is key to healing relational dynamics. People can depersonalize conflicts and focus on the relationship itself by personifying the Third Entity. This perspective initiates a shift from blame to curiosity and ultimately collaboration.

“I approach these discussions by considering the combination of people as the client, not the individuals.” Suzanne shares. “Working together to heal the dynamic outside of ourselves can often help remove the pressure from each person to change individually. If someone isn’t willing to see outside themselves to do this work, then that becomes the root of the issue. But when they are willing to acknowledge the relationship as a unique entity whose needs transcend their own for the greater good of everyone involved, profound differences can come from this work.”

Suzanne leverages a variety of complementary and alternative concepts to help individuals and groups rebuild their relational dynamics by focusing on regulating the combination. Evidence from Blue Zones, regions where people live significantly longer and healthier lives, explains her approach. Strong relationships and a sense of belonging are important factors in longevity in communities like Okinawa, Japan, and Sardinia, Italy. These highlight the impact of connection on regulation and well-being.

Now, as the holiday season approaches, a time of togetherness, many will have to navigate complex and uncomfortable relational dynamics. Suzanne urges individuals to pause and reflect. “Ask yourself: What if the issue is not either one of us but rather the combination at play? Can I step back and understand what’s really happening? Can I listen for what it needs?” A healthy combination fosters trust, collaboration, and co-regulation. Suzanne reaffirms: “Sometimes, letting go of a toxic relationship is necessary, but other times, simply acknowledging it has its own needs and finding a way to meet them can open the door to healing.”

Suzanne York stirs the focus on the Third Entity and the power of co-regulation to offer a path toward healing the fractured relationships that define modern society. She helps her clients recognize the unspoken expectations and unseen dynamics in their combination to give them a voice and a chance to become regulated together. “People can’t always see the characteristics of the combination when they are a part of it. It takes an outside perspective to reflect on what may be happening between them. Once they have this understanding, it moves them from focusing on the problem to finding the solution,” says Suzanne.

This holiday season, she encourages individuals to reflect on the dynamics that shape their interactions, take the first step in recognizing the combined needs, and make efforts to address them for healthier, more connected relationships.