‘We Do Not Care Anymore’: How One Woman Turned Menopause Struggles Into a Viral Sisterhood (EXCLUSIVE)

When it comes to the challenges of perimenopause and menopause, women have historically suffered in silence while enduring insomnia, hot flashes, brain fog and mood swings. But thanks to Melani Sanders, creator of the We Do Not Care Club (WDNC) on social media, millions of women now have a platform to share grievances and humorous truths.

Melani begins each “meeting”—to-camera Reels on Instagram—by welcoming all new and existing members of the WDNC and putting the world on notice: “We do not care anymore because, well, we are tired.” With a deadpan delivery, she then reads daily announcements posted by members—such as, “We do not care if our snoring keeps you awake…we didn’t hear a thing,” or, “We do not care if we have a few stray hairs on our lip or chin…we can’t see them yet, and neither can you.”

With the club growing to more than 4 million members across Melani’s social media platforms (@justbeingmelani on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook) in less than three months, the 45-year-old wife and mother of three sons is awestruck by how WDNC’s humor and candor is touching so many lives—even celebrities like Ashley Judd and Halle Berry have joined the movement and credit Sanders with giving them freedom to express how they feel.

“It has made me realize that women are so much more alike than different,” Melani tells Woman’s World. “Going through perimenopause, menopause and postmenopause—and dealing with all the ups and downs at this stage of our lives—we’re all very similar and can relate to each other in so many ways. I think we’re at a point within the WDNC where we finally feel seen. Simply laughing together makes everything easier, helps us feel supported and shows us we’re not alone.”

“That means so much to me and it’s so universal,” she says. “It crosses all ethnicities, religions, races…everything. We are all one. We all have that overwhelming feeling of not caring anymore so much. We are at capacity. We can’t carry as much anymore, the way we used to. Women are feeling seen and knowing that they are not alone.” 

Her mission has touched so many hearts that she even has a new book, The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook: A Guide for Women in Perimenopause, Menopause, and Beyond Who Are Over It, coming out in January (preorder your copy here).

In the newest issue of Woman’s World (on sale now), Melani opens up about the origins of the WDNC, her mission to empower women and her 10 favorite things that We Do Not Care about. Here, we share more of her story.

The parking lot moment that inspired the We Do Not Care Club

The spark that started the We Do Not Care Club happened one morning when Melani woke up and realized she was out of ashwagandha, a supplement she takes to combat stress and stabilize her moods. “I panicked when I realized I didn’t have any more,” recalls Melani, who brushed her teeth and jumped in her car to go get more. 

“When I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt kind of down on my body. I had on a sports bra that I had in my teenage years. There was no support there. My socks didn’t match. I didn’t care. I needed to get to Whole Foods to get that ashwagandha into my body. Ashwagandha helps support my mood and that is my prerequisite to life every day.”

So she made her first We Do Not Care Club video in the parking lot of Whole Foods—speaking to that feeling of not caring what others think of you when you’re just out there living your life.

The overwhelming response from fellow women

Millions of women related to Melani’s raw, vulnerable and hilarious video, but she admits she first felt overwhelmed by the response to the We Do Not Care Club. “I was an influencer for several years and I’ve had viral videos, but there was definitely something different about this video, how it took off,” she shares. “To be honest, I ran. I ran because I got scared, because just to be able to understand that so many women can relate to me at this phase of life, it was very scary and it took some time for me to address the fact that I had started a movement.”

From fear to finding strength in sisterhood

Melani admits her sisters have helped her feel more comfortable in her new role. “I did feel weight. I felt as though I was going to have to show up,” she says. “I’m the face of this movement. I have to be there, but as time went on, I realized that my sisters standing behind me are actually beside me and they are in this with me. So the weight of that is not heavy at all anymore. It’s not just my voice that needs to be heard and my sisters know that. They are right there with me and that makes me feel so much more comfortable in all of this.”

Why Melani wears multiple pairs of reading glasses

One of Melani’s trademarks is that she’s usually wearing several pairs of reading glasses. What prompted that look? “That’s my real life,” she answers with a laugh. “My eyesight has transformed from 20/20 to I don’t even know what negative number it is. I wear readers a lot and if I don’t have the readers, I cannot see. I was stuck somewhere one day and I could not read it, and from then on, I just always put some on my head and one in my shirt because I will not get caught without readers anymore. It’s a real-life situation.”

On navigating perimenopause insomnia: ‘once I am up, I am up’

In addition to changes in her eyesight, Melani admits one of the most difficult things about being in perimenopause is insomnia. “One evening, my husband went out and I was asleep when he came back,” she says. “He just slept in another room because if I’m sleeping, do not wake me up, because once I am up, I am up. The insomnia and the inability to stay asleep, that’s tough and it affects the next day because you need proper rest to fuel the next day.”

 

How the We Do Not Care Club empowers women to feel ‘enough’

Melani admits she’s often surprised and humbled by the reactions she gets from members of the club, whom she calls her “sisters.” “I saw a video once where someone said, ‘Melani, you saved my life.’ When I heard that, I said, ‘Oh my goodness gracious! Let me show my husband how people say I’m saving other people’s lives.’ There’s something different about that. Having that safe space with my sisters, it gives that level of comfort in just knowing that you are enough right where you are.

“You are enough! And we need to feel that as women and understand that what we bring to the table, whatever it is, that is enough,” Melani continues. “Our bodies go through so much as women and we have to take those expectations and just throw them out the window. There are no expectations at this point. The expectation is for me to wake up every day and be the best version of myself at this moment.” 

Melani’s 10 favorite truths: ‘We do not care if’…

1. Your friend’s parents let them do it. By all means, go live with them.

2. We put on a pair of leggings and a graphic tee. We are dressed for the day, we’re ready for bed, and possibly dressed for tomorrow.

3. You answered that question 15 minutes ago. We will ask again and need you to repeat the answer…again.

4. You are hungry. We did not lock the kitchen.

5. Watching crime documentaries is weird. We don’t want celebrity gossip. We want to know why Donna Sue offed her husband in El Paso in 1985.

6. You want us to go somewhere last minute. Once the bra comes off, forget about it.

7. The house is clean when you come over. Also, don’t come over.

8. We were using the flashlight on our phone to look for our phone.

9. You are cold. Don’t touch that thermostat.

10. We hurt the younger generation’s feelings. We said what we said.