Jennifer Wallace Explains Why Feeling Like You Matter Is the Key to a Fulfilling Life
The bestselling author explains why the need to matter is the secret to purpose and deep connection
Key Takeaways
- Jennifer Wallace says feeling valued and able to add value to others is what mattering means.
- Researchers say after food and shelter, the need to matter drives all human behavior.
- Making others feel like they matter strengthens bonds and boosts your own well-being.
What if the most essential thing missing from your life has nothing to do with a bigger paycheck, a better job or a new relationship? What if it comes down to something far more elemental—the simple, profound need to feel like you matter?
That’s the question explored in a recent conversation between Liz Vaccariello and Jennifer Wallace, author of Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose. Together, they dig into a concept that touches every corner of our lives, from our closest relationships to our sense of purpose in the world in this week’s episode of What Matters With Liz.
What Jennifer Wallace means by ‘mattering’ and why it’s a basic human need
The word “mattering” might sound abstract at first, but Wallace gives it a definition that’s both clear and deeply personal. At its core, mattering is about two things working together: feeling valued by the people around you and believing you have something meaningful to contribute to the world. It’s not about fame or grand accomplishments— it’s about knowing that you are seen, appreciated and that your presence makes a difference. According to Wallace, the researchers who study this concept place it right near the top of our most fundamental human drives.
Woman's World Answers
“Mattering is defined as the idea that we feel valued for who we are and that we have an opportunity to add value to the world around us,” Wallace said. “So the researchers who study it say, after the drive for food and shelter, it is this need to matter that drives human behavior, for better or for worse.”
Sit with that for a moment. Once our needs for food and shelter are met, it is this need to matter that takes over as the force behind human behavior. The desire to feel significant and purposeful isn’t a luxury—it’s foundational.
How Jennifer Wallace says mattering shapes your everyday life
When that sense of mattering is present, you can feel the difference in how you move through your day. Wallace and Vaccariello explored what this looks like in real life, and the picture is one many of us will recognize. When people feel genuinely valued—by a partner, a friend, a colleague or a community—they tend to engage more fully. They participate. They take initiative. They invest in the people around them because they feel their own investment is worthwhile.
Feeling like you matter doesn’t require grand gestures or widespread recognition. It can come from small, consistent signals: being truly listened to during a conversation, being asked for your perspective, being remembered and acknowledged in ways that affirm you are seen. For many of us, this sense of mattering is the thread that holds well-being together—fueling motivation, strengthening relationships and creating a deep feeling of belonging.
Jennifer Wallace’s reminder that mattering belongs to every age and stage of life
One of the most comforting aspects of Wallace’s work is how universal this need turns out to be. The need to matter isn’t confined to one age group, one background or one stage of life. It shows up everywhere—from the youngest members of our families to the most experienced among us and in every kind of community in between. Vaccariello and Wallace discussed how this universality makes the concept of mattering well worth understanding, no matter where you are in your own journey.
It’s something children feel when a parent gives them full attention. It’s something employees feel when their work is recognized. It’s something older adults feel when their wisdom and experience are sought out. Wallace’s observation that this need drives human behavior “for better or for worse” carries real nuance. When the need to matter is met, people tend to channel their energy into positive connections and contributions. But when it goes chronically unmet, the consequences can be significant.
Two questions drawn directly from Wallace’s definition can help you check in with yourself today: Do I feel valued for who I am? And do I feel like I have an opportunity to add value to the world around me?
If the answers feel uncertain, that’s not a failure—it’s an invitation to seek out the relationships, communities and experiences that remind you of your worth and to extend that same recognition to others. Because mattering, as Wallace describes it, isn’t only about receiving. It’s about giving, too. When you make the people in your life feel like they matter, you strengthen the connections that hold everything together.
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