Valerie Bertinelli Gets Candid About Healing and Finding Peace: ‘It’s Scary Not Being Everything to Everybody’
The beloved star shares her journey to joy—and why shame no longer defines her
Beloved for her honesty and warmth, Valerie Bertinelli has spent decades in the public eye—first as America’s sweetheart on the long-running series One Day at a Time, then on her award-winning Food Network show Valerie’s Home Cooking, and lately as a trusted voice for women navigating body image, love, loss, aging and reinvention. Now, in her most personal book yet, Getting Naked: The Quiet Work of Becoming Perfectly Imperfect, the 65-year-old star is opening up about her life more than ever before.
Here, Valerie sits down with Woman’s World (get your copy here!) to discuss what it’s really like to let go of shame—plus, how to stop chasing perfection and finally feel at home in your own skin.
Inside Valerie’s most personal memoir yet, Getting Naked
There’s a moment in Valerie Bertinelli’s new memoir, Getting Naked, when you feel it in your bones: This isn’t an ordinary celebrity book. Valerie writes with a refreshing honesty about family, body image, love and the long healing road back to herself. “It’s about doing the scary stuff and realizing it’s not scary anymore,” Valerie tells me early in our conversation. “It’s scary to not be everything to everybody all the time.” That line alone could be the mission statement for every woman over 40 who’s ever tried to be the good girl, the strong one, the fixer, the peacemaker—and then wondered why she still didn’t feel at peace in her own skin.
Valerie’s memoir is full of real stories—some funny, some painful, many disarmingly introspective—and in each one, her message is clear: The freedom women want has less to do with perfect bodies, perfect relationships or perfect lives and more to do with self-acceptance. “When we dig deep and try to find out who we are and when we talk about it, we don’t feel as alone because we realize we all go through things,” she says. “I think that’s the point of life—to love, learn, share, make connections. It’s also about getting rid of shame…so it can’t be used as a tool to hurt us anymore.”
These revelations resonate even more when you consider how long Valerie has lived in the public eye. She first rose to fame in 1975 for her role on One Day at a Time and went on to star in fan-favorite shows—from Touched by an Angel to Hot in Cleveland and Valerie’s Home Cooking. But throughout her career and marriage to the late Eddie Van Halen, with whom she shares son Wolfgang “Wolfie” Van Halen, 35, she was also a frequent target of intense public scrutiny.
When asked if Getting Naked is her most personal book so far, Valerie immediately says yes. “I had immense help with this book,” she adds. “A dear, dear friend of mine, Tom Gold, pushed me to do more of my own writing. That’s why we used a lot of my journals. I couldn’t have done any of this without him.”
That humility is a major part of why Valerie remains so beloved. She never acts like she’s figured it all out—she just speaks honestly about where she is and how much work it took to get there.”If you make yourself vulnerable, you can be hurt by it—especially if you share it with the wrong people,” she says. “But if you let go of the fear and shame, your vulnerability can also be your superpower. Brené Brown talks about that. Then, as soon as you accept whatever shame you feel, you’ll see that it’s not the big, scary thing you think it is—it’s all just part of being human.” Here, Valerie shares more advice for channeling self-love, positivity and peace every day.
How gratitude helped Valerie find peace after difficult years
At 65, Valerie has arrived at a good place defined by peace instead of perfection. “I’m so proud of myself,” she says. “I don’t know if I could have gotten here without having some really challenging, difficult experiences,” she admits. “I don’t want to go through some of the stuff I had to go through ever again. But I’m also so grateful for every experience because it brought me right here.”
Why sitting with uncomfortable feelings can lead to healing
Putting yourself in a healthier, happier headspace is about more than positive thinking. She says it starts with sitting with every feeling, even the uncomfortable ones. “It got to a point where I had to stop numbing my feelings with food and alcohol. I finally realized feelings are information,” she shares. “So instead of being afraid of them, just sit with them and ask yourself, What are these negative feelings trying to tell me? Because they’re not going to stop until I listen.” Facing fear quiets it, she adds.
Valerie’s advice for tuning out criticism
Valerie tells me she’s reached a place where outside noise—like criticism or gossip—no longer has the power to define her. “I feel so strongly that someone could lie and say horrible things about me right now,” she says, “and I’d be like, ‘Oh, isn’t that interesting what that says about you?’ It doesn’t hurt me,” she adds. “I know who I am. I know who my family loves. I know who my friends love. I know who my coworkers love. And that’s the real me.”
Do the daily work
Valerie is open about therapy and how much it’s shaped the way she understands healing. “There’s an expectation that once you do the scary thing, you’ll be cured,” she says. “But it’s taken me 10 years to work through everything with a therapist—I’ve gone by myself, with Wolfie and Ed, with Wolfie by himself. Now, I think the quiet work of finding peace is acknowledging who you are, every single part of you.” She also recognizes the mood-boosting power of noticing the little joys. “Whether it’s just reflecting or just looking at the sun and saying, ‘Thank you.’ I used to think being intentional was so much work, but it isn’t,” she recalls. “It’s just paying attention.”
What’s next for Valerie: a new app and a heartfelt Lifetime movie
Last month, Valerie debuted an exciting new app called Valerie’s Place, where fans can connect with her directly and explore a thoughtfully curated collection of exclusive content, including episodes of Valerie’s Home Cooking! And on May 9, Valerie stars in the heartfelt Lifetime movie Love, Again. She plays Caroline, whose husband, Henry (portrayed by Henry Czerny), faces early onset Alzheimer’s disease. As Caroline navigates grief and uncertainty, an unexpected friendship offers strength and hope.
Ready for more? Subscribe to our YouTube channel for video podcasts, health tips and uplifting stories designed for women 40, 50, 60 and beyond.
Conversation
All comments are subject to our Community Guidelines. Woman's World does not endorse the opinions and views shared by our readers in our comment sections. Our comments section is a place where readers can engage in healthy, productive, lively, and respectful discussions. Offensive language, hate speech, personal attacks, and/or defamatory statements are not permitted. Advertising or spam is also prohibited.
