A series of news-making squirrels in New Jersey have us wondering if there’s something in the water. In the past few weeks, two little guys have terrorized areas of the state, making for a not-so-festive holiday season for many residents.
In the seaside borough of Sea Girt, city officials noticed the wires in the lights for the annual and beloved Christmas tree lightning had been severed. Crews quickly fixed the wiring and the tree lighting was able to go off without a hitch, but police carefully observed ceremony attendees to see if they could find the hoodlums responsible.
So imagine everyone’s surprise when the police announced they had their man the very next morning — well, sort of! As it turns out, the perpetrator walks on fur legs instead of two and spends most of its time storing nuts and pestering dogs. Police released photos of the offender in the act, and — you guessed it — it was a squirrel.
About an hour north of Sea Girt in Maplewood, family noticed someone had been stealing the treats they left out for the delivery guys — and this thief had expensive tastes. Every year, Michele Boudreaux puts out sweets, snacks, tissues, and hand warmers, lip balm, and other goodies for the delivery man. And every year, Boudreaux said there’s never been an issue — until now.
Within hours of Boudreaux setting everything up on her doorstep, she noticed it had already been raided. We wouldn’t blame you for thinking it was some hooligans in the neighborhood. If you leave out free candy, what do you expect, right? But Boudreaux wouldn’t let it go, and the family eventually set up a camera to catch their thief, who — you guessed it again — was just an obese squirrel.
“I mean, this squirrel is so obese — a jolly ol’ chap — he must be prepping for a decade of winters,” she wrote on her blog. Her husband tried chasing the squirrel to see where he was hiding his treasures but couldn’t keep up. Finally aware of what they were dealing with, the family came up with the perfect solution: a jar that required opposable thumbs to open.
If you think Boudreaux is heartless for forcing the squirrel to fend for himself during the winter, just you wait. She left out a bowl of popcorn, walnuts, and pumpkin seeds for the little guy, but “he threw all the seeds out on the porch and ate all the other stuff.” What a little pig!
There’s been no word yet on a third squirrel causing mischief in the area, but we have a feeling another will make the news soon. We need to know what they’re feeding their squirrels over there in Jersey so we can avoid it!