How to Find More Joy This Holiday: Experts Share Simple, Science-Backed Tips
See the 'chocolate meditation' shown to help you savor the season in more ways than one
Whether you’re overwhelmed with a holiday to-do “scroll” longer than Santa’s naughty-and-nice list, or are stressed about potentially fraught family gatherings, there are plenty of reasons the most wonderful time of year doesn’t always live up to its billing. Here, mental health pros and top experts share how to find more joy this season—mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
Let go of comparisons
One obstacle that makes it hard to get into the festive spirit is our tendency to compare ourselves to others. “I remember looking at a friend’s perfect holiday decor and feeling like I had to keep up,” says expert Tama Fortner, author of Simply Christmas: A Busy Mom’s Guide to Reclaiming the Peace of the Holidays. “But letting go of this pressure allowed me to reflect on what I wanted the holidays to look like. For example, I never liked stringing lights, so I let that go, and instead, we all pile into the car with hot cocoa and tour the neighborhood lights—it’s okay to simplify.”
Allow yourself to ditch perfectionism
Perfectionism is the enemy of joy, declares Sarah D. Pressman, PhD, a professor of Psychological Science at the University of California, Irvine, and author of More Activities for Teaching Positive Psychology. “Get rid of unrealistic, high expectations,” she urges. To do just that, let yourself laugh at moments of imperfection—like the pie that fell apart but that you managed to create parfaits out of—because unscripted moments often create more meaningful memories.
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Look within for lasting peace of mind
“Research reveals that joy lives within us, but we don’t recognize that because we’re expecting it to come from outside of ourselves—like a great trip or a spectacular New Year’s celebration,” says award-winning journalist Steven Petrow, author of The Joy You Make: Find the Silver Linings—Even on Your Darkest Days. Indeed, while happiness springs from external events, like a promotion, it’s typically short-lived. Joy, on the other hand, is long-lasting because it comes from the connections we make. Just knowing how much power you have over your internal state can help you begin to cultivate genuine contentment.
Choose a holiday intention
Envision what you want this season to be about by setting an Advent intention, encourages expert Traci Smith, author of Faithful Families: Creating Sacred Moments at Home. “Would you like to limit the number of invitations you accept to have more peace and less rush? Maybe you would like to be guided by an Advent word such as peace, joy or hope.” Consider jotting down your intention somewhere the whole family can see it.
Spark collective effervescence
How does caroling with friends or attending a holiday concert sound? Such group activities create collective effervescence, the contagious joy we experience when we’re connecting with others, says Petrow. “It really is the small moments we share that matter most, like playing board games with family—and hoping they don’t cheat,” he laughs. In fact, research shows 70 percent of joyful moments happen when we’re with others, while only 30 percent occur when we’re alone.
Find comfort in unique rituals
It’s impossible to experience happiness without acknowledging sadness, says Smith. “Name your grief and consider lighting a candle while saying a short prayer: ‘We remember that though there is a lot of joy this season, sometimes there is sorrow too.’” This ritual can be especially healing during the winter solstice on December 21, the shortest day of the year. “It’s a reminder that the longest night doesn’t last forever—your days will get brighter.”
Lift your spirits with generosity
Giving is perhaps the easiest way to lift your spirits. “Whether you bake cookies for your local firehouse or share the gift of your time with a friend, generosity lifts everyone up,” says Brenda Poinsett, author of Holiday Living: Using Year-Round Holidays to Build Faith and Family. “Even things like connecting with faraway relatives over Zoom and taking the time to ask thoughtful questions like, ‘What was your earliest holiday memory?’ help you deepen your connections and feel the joy of the season.”
Make gratitude more fun
Ritualizing blissful activities can be as easy as sharing a cuppa, says Smith, who encourages what she calls a “Gratitude Café,” simply enjoying hot cocoa with friends or family and sharing little joys. “Just grab a few mugs of hot chocolate and take turns practicing gratitude while the chocolate cools,” she says. “It’s a simple way to slow down, take in the scent of the cocoa, and make it a special moment.”
Read A Christmas Carol
Or any book you’ve been looking forward to. “When we read novels, we get to know characters unlike ourselves, and the empathy we feel translates to the different kinds of people we meet in our lives,” says Petrow. And if you can, read aloud to a loved one to reap the joy of a collective experience.
Meditate on chocolate
Practice savoring joy, encourages Pressman. A fun (and delicious!) lesson she teaches is a chocolate meditation. “Unwrap a piece of chocolate, but instead of eating it in two seconds, take two minutes,” she says. “Admire the light bouncing off the wrapper; listen to the crinkling foil; take in its aroma and let it melt in your mouth.” Apply savoring to every facet of your life, whether you’re taking a moment to admire the wrapping on a gift or watching little ones build a snowman in the yard. “When we reflect on joy, the reward lasts longer.”
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