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31 Nurse Jokes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh So Hard Your Stitches Come Out

Because isn't laughter the best medicine of all? 

Who doesn’t love nurses? They put us at ease when we’re anxious or nervous, explain complicated health information in terms we can understand, guide us through difficult situations and so much more. Another great thing about nurses? They tend to have an amazing sense of humor — and they’re not squeamish! That means when it comes to nurse jokes, you never know what you’re going to get!

What are nurse jokes?

Nurses can come across as no-nonsense, but most of them appreciate a funny moment or two — and having a good sense of humor can make them better at their job, according to a study in the International Journal of Nursing Studies. In the study, when nurses used humor on the job, it helped them deal with difficult situations and patients, brought them closer to their patients and made patients feel more calm.

And laughter has benefits for all of us. So we rounded up our favorite nurse jokes, with a bit of doctor’s office humor thrown in. Prepare to laugh so hard your stitches come out! (Click through to laugh at teacher joke, diet jokes, mom jokes and signs sure to make you chuckle)

Internally funny

Q: What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste.

Q: Why didn’t one nurse find the other nurse’s joke funny?
A: She had an irony deficiency.

Nurse Jokes
Norm Jung

Bloody funny

Q. How did the nurse reply when asked, “Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?”
A: “Yes, if you can aim it right.”

Q: Why do nurses need a red crayon?
A:  So they can draw blood!

Q: What did the blood donor say to the nurse?
A: “I feel super tired; it is such a draining process.”

Nurse Jokes
Ken Brummer

Page the doctor!

Q: What did the banana say to the nurse?
A: I’m here to see the doctor. I am not peeling well.

Q: What did the nurse say when the doctor decided to stay home?
A: “Suture self!”

Q: Why did the robot ask the nurse to call the doctor immediately?
A: Because it had a virus.

Q: What did Dracula say to the nurse?
A: Please call the doctor. I can’t stop coffin.

Q: Did you hear about the two podiatrists who left the practice?
 A: They became arch enemies.

Q. What did the balloon say to the nurse during a routine check-up?
A: “I feel light-headed.”

Nurse Jokes
Ken Benner

Needle humor

Q: What did the senior nurse say to the young nurse about to give his first injection?
A: “Just give it your best shot.”

Q: What do you tell a nurse when she administers an injection painlessly?
A: Good jab.

Q: What did the nurse say to the rocket ship?
A: “It’s time for your booster shot.”

Nurse Jokes

Nurses in the real world

Q: Why are nurses afraid of the outdoors?
A: Too much poison IV.

Q: When is the worst time to have a heart attack around a nurse?
A: During a game of charades!

Nurse Jokes
Norm Jung

When nurses get emotional

Q: Why should you never upset a pediatric nurse?
A:  Because they have very little patients. 

Q: Why was the nurse angry?
A: She ran out of patients.

Nurse Jokes
Ken Brummer

Hospital humor

Q:  What do transplant nurses hate?
A:  Rejection. 

Q: Why does the infectious disease ward at the hospital have the fastest Wi-Fi?
A: Because it has all the hot spots.

 Q: What did the nurse say to the tonsil?
A: You should get dressed, because the doctor is going to take you out.

Q: Why are night nurses such bad dancers?
A: Their circadian rhythm is generally off.

Q: What did the patient say when the nurse informed him that he had acute appendix?
A: “Compared to whom?”

Q: What did the cookie say to the nurse?
A. I feel crumby

For more jokes click the links below!

50 Halloween Jokes Guaranteed To Tickle *Your* Funny Bone

Autumn Jokes So Funny They’ll Have *You* Turning Red and Falling On The Ground : )

21 Funny Signs Guaranteed to Make You Laugh Out Loud

Jokes About Cats That Are So Funny They’ll Have *You* On All Fours!

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